lye
New Member
- Jan 5, 2026
- 1
i originally tried a few months ago with carbon monoxide poisoning. it actually started to work though and I got scared and immediately left my car. i used a pool filtration hose and it actually fit inside my exhaust pipe like a glove. i start a job this wednesday. i think when i have enough money im gonna buy a shotgun. i'm not gonna do it sober because it gives me too much room to rethink and reanalyze my decision. when i'm drunk im looser in my decision making and it won't impede what i wanna do. part of me is scared because of the off chance it could get better. but i really don't think that's gonna happen. i can't keep living like this. this constant anxiety and pressure i feel in my chest. oh my god. i'm miserable. i can't keep going like this, and if im not gonna get better then damn it what other choice do i have? i hate it had to end like this but i can only accept it. i've accepted death itself, im not so afraid of death. at least not as much as i used to be. it seems forgiving and peaceful. euphoric. i can stomach the idea of it, i don't think im gonna go to hell. at least i hope i don't go to hell. i just need to get over the curve of actually doing it. god that's what's so scary about this. i'm the one who has to do it. i'm so scared. fuck
