Discussion Socially anxious people, awkward ones, “weirdos”, avoidants - how do you survive?

[troubled_puppet]

I'm still learning too. I spent my 20s only being able to kick into gear when the family was in crisis. When things got safe, I got scared and retreated into my comfort zone. which was hiding indoors all day on my computer.

For the autism front. I have invested into a sixty dollar noise cancelling headset. A good one that compresses the head. And i also got ear plugs for sleeping. I only use the headset to get past the front door, then keep in my bag. Beyond that. I don't know how to do anything, outside. It causes me so much stress.

I can do almost everything else. Cooking, cleaning, paperwork and house admin. I don't know.

I tried working. I was surprised i could find a job that didn't require a GED. (I was working on it.) But I felt so unwelcome. I was doing my best and I was okay with the work. I think my managers tolerated me. But my peers all avoided me I gave up, I couldn't handle it. And I'm so angry at myself about it.

I'm just upset with myself. I could be so much farther along than I am right now if i just. stopped. fcking around doing nothing ten years ago.

 

[annointed_towers]

I am completely incompatible with life.

I've spent years forcing myself into situations that feel psychologically unbearable just to survive. Not that I wanted to, but life dragged me into it, so I had no choice but to go through the hell that was unimaginable for someone who couldn't even leave the house. I don't even want to describe what it cost me.
But still socially and mentally everyday life feels exhausting in a way most people around me probably can't even see.

I recently tried working in restaurant kitchens. I thought maybe I'll be able to manage it after all. Like at least I won't need to communicate with customers. Instead it just confirmed how broken and out of place I am.

The work itself wasn't even the main problem. Constant tension, gossips, passive aggression, shitty people, social hierarchies. People talking shit behind my back about how dumb and useless I am and persuading others to look closely at me and notice everything that seems weird to them. Feeling watched all the time, feeling judged for being quiet or awkward. And then being fired because they persuade the boss to get rid of me.

I felt constantly on edge, like I had to monitor every expression, every word, every movement. Trying to look relaxed while internally feeling trapped and overloaded. And because I'm naturally anxious and withdrawn, people immediately notice something is wrong with me. Then comes the usual bullshit: Be more confident, talk more, relax, be more active, why don't you participate in our gossips or in discussing some generic bullshit.

The truth is I only managed to even search for jobs and attend trial shifts under tons of medication "cocktails". Without it I would have avoided the entire process indefinitely or until I'd become homeless. I just wouldn't even manage to go there. And even medicated I still came across as awkward, detached, uncomfortable and whatever.
Or just dumb and incompetent even in things that are considered common sense.

Meanwhile other people seem built for such life. They socialize naturally, joke around naturally, tolerate chaos naturally. I feel like every hour around people drains me mentally to the point where I just can't take it anymore. Even though I had to go through things that threatened my life and freedom and managed to avoid all of that, go through it and solve insane unbearable problems, but just trying to function in this "normal life" is worse.

It's worse than facing the executioner's noose. Because in that case, at least you know you'll have to go through the horror and then it will all be over.
In this case though, you know you'll have to go through this hell, then you'll go home and at best you'll drift off into a restless anxious sleep if you're lucky and then it will all happen again, and again.

You can be responsible, hardworking, willing to learn and still fail because your nervous system constantly signals discomfort and avoidance to other people.

At this point I honestly don't know where people like me are supposed to exist. Most workplaces feel psychologically hostile if you're quiet, avoidant or socially anxious.

I don't even feel like a person and more like something trying to survive exposure to other humans while pretending to be a human being too.

So I just want to ask:
How do deeply avoidant, socially anxious, chronically withdrawn people survive long-term?

Did any of you actually find environments or ways of living that seem at least more or less bearable to survive for a while?

I don't. I just don't have a method available to me except vsed and drowning.

I never did well out there. Never found people who stayed really. Never found love despite trying to give it to everyone I saw, even God.

Now I'm disabled and housebound. Been years.

 

[chudpolonais]

i don't. i'm so deep in the gutter mentally that CTB is the only thing i can think of. only reason i'm still alive is that i don't got the balls to do it

 

[Gabbi_Station]

I'm still learning too. I spent my 20s only being able to kick into gear when the family was in crisis. When things got safe, I got scared and retreated into my comfort zone. which was hiding indoors all day on my computer.

For the autism front. I have invested into a sixty dollar noise cancelling headset. A good one that compresses the head. And i also got ear plugs for sleeping. I only use the headset to get past the front door, then keep in my bag. Beyond that. I don't know how to do anything, outside. It causes me so much stress.

I can do almost everything else. Cooking, cleaning, paperwork and house admin. I don't know.

I tried working. I was surprised i could find a job that didn't require a GED. (I was working on it.) But I felt so unwelcome. I was doing my best and I was okay with the work. I think my managers tolerated me. But my peers all avoided me I gave up, I couldn't handle it. And I'm so angry at myself about it.

I'm just upset with myself. I could be so much farther along than I am right now if i just. stopped. fcking around doing nothing ten years ago.

Honestly- drugs and partying helped in my twenties with social anxiety.

Then I had a massive bout of agoraphobia and kind of crashed out mid-twenties and since then I have been struggling.

My only advice would be to read or possibly look into volunteering at an old folks home (older people typically are nicer about that kind of thing, lonely, and you can just let them more or less talk). It's good practice and probably more rewarding socialization because they actually enjoy your company.

COVID and post COVID has probably been the worst period for my anxiety- I regressed a lot with my agoraphobia after that.

 

[xXSufferingXx]

i avoid people and have all my life except for when i have a genuine interest in hanging out with them or whatever, but that's rare lol

 

[Scythe]

I don't interact with normies much, they get pissed easily and are usually pro-life which means I can't truly connect. And I'm planning on booking it out of here soon so I'm never experiencing working.

I also don't care about anyone anymore. Humans come and go, and if they leave no big deal, I move on to the next guy.

 

[Leonard_Bangley39]

I don't

 

[coolcow1289]

They tell you to fake it until you make it, but it's just a lie, because you never make it. I had issues since I was a toddler. Typical anxious avoidant attachment, anxiety issues, etc. In part because my mother had bad postpartum anxiety - passed to me. But my parents raised me well and enticed me out of my comfort zone, and I became "normal" as a teenager into adulthood.

But even though I do everything that everyone else does, it doesn't mean I'm normal. I feel constant panic and anxiety and dread and have my whole life. I have all sorts of other health issues that stem from chronic anxiety.

Sure, I have a job and seem normal on the surface. But I'm not capable of forming real friendships. I fake it, but even years of knowing someone, I still can't relax or open up. So I pretend. I can't date or form real attachments. Tried it once and my anxious avoidant traits quickly destroyed that. I've given up on having a normal life, a wife and kids, etc.

I'm very tenacious, and I give it my very best. But the truth is, eventually your biology wins. It's not something that a few drugs and talk therapy can overcome. It's not something you can muscle through. Attachment is something that forms in the first few months of your life, and if it goes poorly, you are screwed for life. That's the hard truth.

 

[NothingEverWorksOut]

I'm exactly the same and learned I have autism. I'm so sorry you are going through this. Last time a year ago I tried to work and I couldn't do it. I was there 9 days and 5 days on sick leave. I didn't sleep, was constantly having racing suicidal thoughts, crying, avoidant, panic attacks and on top of that got bullied straight away by some old co-workers there. This seems to always happen to me everywhere so I just live a NEET life now and be by myself. I was not built to this world and I am an alien as well.

 

[LetMeOut67]

My depression is so severe it's impossible to work or otherwise be around people. When I had jobs it was pure hell.
I compare how weak I am to how strong most people are and it just terrifies me. I've never belonged and it's not fair that people like me have no option but to rot in agony knowing that the only future is insanity or CTB.

 

[battybites]

I have autism and have been ostracized for most my life. It was at its worst when I was still in school/ college but I've realized that even though I don't get bullied anymore, people don't really seem to regard me any better. I've been in full time office work for about 2 years now, I don't think I'm disliked but I know people find me weird and I've been told as such to my face. All of the women my age at work are friends with each other and no matter how hard I try, I can't get on with them. It's so hard to explain but I really do feel like a different species. We speak the same language and yet it feels like I can't talk to them like they do to each other. Social interaction brings me so much stress that I find it easier to not do it, when I have conversations I get so anxious that I feel uncomfortable for hours later. I have 1 friend and when he's not around I'm basically silent. Weirdly, it doesn't bother me much anymore though. I've sort of accepted that I'm an asocial freak that's hard to get on with but there are times when I feel so lonely and out of place that it hurts physically. I tell myself over and over "the only person I need is myself" but all I yearn for is someone to see me.

 

[LetMeOut67]

Having to depend on other people's pity is just humiliating