SN tonight

[color_me_gone]

Nobody ever like to watch another person suffer.
We always wish we could do something, anything to help you.

 

[color_me_gone]

I wish

We wish too!!!

 

[Northerngirl1965]

That is awful :-( I'm so so sorry. It's not living, just existing. Have you had any help from your doctor? (Other than drugs)

No and everyone says to get therapy but that wouldnt help

 

[Northerngirl1965]

I really was not insinuating you didn't.
I totally understand how it is so hard to even get out of bed.
Like JustAboutDone said, I wish I could be there to give you a hug as well.

Thank you :). I know u werent

 

[JustAboutDone]

Yes and a husband who loves me unconditionally :(

Awww :-) that's quite sweet. Though I understand it makes things harder when half of you wants to die. Or rather stop the pain

 

[Northerngirl1965]

Awww :-) that's quite sweet. Though I understand it makes things harder when half of you wants to die. Or rather stop the pain

Absolutely

 

[Northerngirl1965]

A little over an hour before I start with pre meds

 

[JustAboutDone]

No and everyone says to get therapy but that wouldnt help

Not at the moment it sounds like, not when you are overwhelmed with everyday living. It sounds like you need something to help you get through these days at the moment - you sound to me like you are at the very bottom of a black depression and the anxiety too

 

[Northerngirl1965]

Not at the moment it sounds like, not when you are overwhelmed with everyday living. It sounds like you need something to help you get through these days at the moment - you sound to me like you are at the very bottom of a black depression and the anxiety too[/QUOTE

There is a spiritual element to this as well that is extremely hard for anyone to comprehend but I am an empath with a difficult childhood and it contributed to my situation

 

[color_me_gone]

A little over an hour before I start with pre meds

We will be here with you to keep you company.

 

[VoloFataliDoce]

A little over an hour before I start with pre meds

You aren't alone. We'll stay here with you.

 

[JustAboutDone]

So you are trying to cope with a lot of inner emotional turmoil from your childhood, which has no doubt magnified in bringing up your children and now you are facing this enormous crisis.

 

[Xerxes]

Did you start the Antiemetic regimen 3 days ago or are you starting now and then shotgunning the SN afterwards? I worry you're not giving your body enough time to adjust and after taking SN you may vomit it back up. Just something to think about. Good luck and may you sleep easy.

 

[Northerngirl1965]

So you are trying to cope with a lot of inner emotional turmoil from your childhood, which has no doubt magnified in bringing up your children and now you are facing this enormous crisis.

So so much I have dealt with.

 

[Northerngirl1965]

Did you start the Antiemetic regimen 3 days ago or are you starting now and then shotgunning the SN afterwards? I worry you're not giving your body enough time to adjust and after taking SN you may vomit it back up. Just something to think about. Good luck and may you sleep easy.

Did you start the Antiemetic regimen 3 days ago or are you starting now and then shotgunning the SN afterwards? I worry you're not giving your body enough time to adjust and after taking SN you may vomit it back up. Just something to think about. Good luck and may you sleep easy.

I started yesterday with the meto. I havent taken as much as they have said but I have been fasting and I have the meto to take and the tagamet. I have heard differing stories about how necessary 3 days is

 

[Philip]

How long until you take the sn after the premeds? I want to make sure I am online to keep you company.....the more people here the better :)

 

[Xerxes]

I see, and your location is safe right? Your daughters and husband are not in the same household as you are?

 

[Northerngirl1965]

How long until you take the sn after the premeds? I want to make sure I am online to keep you company.....the more people here the better :)

Alittle over an hour 9 pm Eastern

 

[Northerngirl1965]

I see, and your location is safe right? Your daughters and husband are not in the same household as you are?

They are but I sleep in differnt room as my husband. I go to bed around the time I'm planning on taking it.

 

[Philip]

Thank you......I will make sure I am on here to say goodbye :)

 

[Scottishchef]

They are but I sleep in differnt room as my husband. I go to bed around the time I'm planning on taking it.

Hope all goes to plan and that you make it to the other side out, which will be a blessing for you

 

[JustOverIt]

Wishing you a smooth transition, it should be pretty peaceful (this is also my chosen method).

 

[couragetodie]

you have the right to do whatever you must do. I am curious a masters in psych is against therapy?

 

[Jenna]

I've been thinking about you all day. I wish I could give you a huge hug. Praying for you. I know how tough this battle is for you.

 

[Thewhowithin69]

Hey Northerngirl..
.I'm guessing you were born in 65?? Lucky I was born in 69 and everybody thinks I'm open about my sexual preferences and that isn't why i use that number!! Sorry gross maybe but also could be funny?? Hey doesn't hurt to smile even though I can feel your pain through your posts!! I wanted to tell you that I really feel for you....my daughter is 22 and it's breaking my heart to leave so soon. I also know it's the best choice for both me and her so I'm sure your in a similar spot. I have been so frustrated because I have to talk myself into ctb...I wanted to live but not in this constant unstopping pain! Feeling torn sure makes it a tougher sell I know....I can't imagine if I had a husband/significant other who actually loved me....that might really muddy the waters because I sure do crave that love!! So I'm sorry your having to say goodbye to and not even really being able to say goodbye....it shouldn't be like this for you, it's too heavy a burden...I know during my other attempts the biggest feeling I remember was do sad for having to be alone when I die. Noone should have to die alone and you are doing this in a home where your family is so that makes it harder!! I'm so sorry you got forced into making this decision....I'm angry for you and me too!!
Is there anything that would help while your counting down the time?? You asked if anyone was spiritual and I have always been very sensitive spiritually but I am very against religions and don't believe in any typical idea of god/heaven/hell etc. I personally cannot believe our souls ever die but sure don't know what happens when our body's do. Back when I was a Christian and had that faith I was still suicidal and believed that god would have to understand why I killed myself if he is who they all he is. Of course now it's easier for me because I think that was all just fantasy stories but if they help and don't make you into an ugly person then I have no prob with faith itself. I sort of believe whatever can bring you Joy and peace is a good thing. Now that I don't believe in one god it makes my childhood experienced of seing spirits harder to place in context but all I can figure is our souls live on somehow.
Sorry I know my beliefs may be wierd but hard to be an agnostic/atheist when your brain has seen evidence of spiritual beings but I suppose that can still be true. Guess I've also learned over the years that none of us know much and to get worked up over things you can't know seems a waste of energy....
So if you want to chat more I'm around and willing but if not I sure will be sending you warm loving vibes so that you don't feel so alone and I hope your journey onwards is comfortable and pain free! Cyber hugs

 

[color_me_gone]

I had to step away for a few minutes, but I am back. Are you there?

 

[Northerngirl1965]

I am here. Took 800 mg tagamet 740 and meto 5 minutes ago

 

[Northerngirl1965]

you have the right to do whatever you must do. I am curious a masters in psych is against therapy?

For me right now yes

 

[color_me_gone]

For me right now yes

I know therapy never did anything for me.
I am not religious.
I believe something created us, but that is as far as I'll take it.
I believe religion is manmade, usually for controlling measures.
Do you want to talk about your spirituality?

 

[Northerngirl1965]

I know therapy never did anything for me.
I am not religious.
I believe something created us, but that is as far as I'll take it.
I believe religion is manmade, usually for controlling measures.
Do you want to talk about your spirituality?

I'm spiritual. I have known when people were going to die close to me