Yea I didn't think you were being an "arsehole". All good.
I can see your reply now.
Chat bubbles were non existent until today.
I thought that was the most likely answer. Glad it's sorted.
This piqued my interest.
May I ask why you didn't use it the day you received it and why you regret not doing so?
The day I received it, I was running on pure adrenaline. Momentum.
But I could also feel the desperation, the lack of research, the fear of fucking it up, my affairs not in order etc, so I made the call to wait until I felt more capable & confident.
In that time, 3 things happened
1 - my shit life got shitter when I didn't think possible, life is so very difficult, logistics are a nightmare
2 - regaining momentum is a difficult thing, I do not want to die any less or need it any less, I'm just too ill most of the time, plus privacy & safety issues
3 - hindsight - I thought I would feel better with a planned out protocol, everything perfect. Still don't have a finalised protocol, yes, really....
But I can see, realistically, even running on anxiety & very little information, I most likely would have succeeded. That is difficult to live with & even think about. Hope that answers you, I'm gonna run away now & hopefully repress all that shit back down into a managable compartment...