First, I'm sorry about your mom. I lost my mom a short time ago, too, although she was much older than your mom. Second, I don't think it's a good idea for you to be posting pictures of yourself while stating publicly that you are considering suicide. It can get you in trouble if someone recognizes you, like institutionalized. Third, I would try Dramamine for an anti-emetic as the other poster said. It's for nausea and vomiting from motion sickness, but may help some, maybe not as well as a prescription AE, but some. Should be available OTC, hopefully. Not sure in UK, but worth checking. Good luck and I'm sorry you are at this point in your life. I hope you find the peace that you need and deserve.