Silently been here for years

[ThatSnakeParent]

Anyone used quetiapine to CTB?
Have about 6 months worth of it, I'm able to take that much I've done it with other less helpful tablets over the years. I've also got propranolol, god have I got propranolol, I don't know why I kept picking it up from the pharmacy.

I've been here for years, waiting for the day I can turn around and say "it gets better". Had a BPD diagnosis now it's CPTSD and autism and it's even worse. I can't explain a single thing I experience, I can't explain a word of what I think or how it affects me, I'm in pain and I'm trapped in my own body being called dramatic anytime I show any semblance of emotion. I get used and used again because I'm desperate for any validation, any at all that makes me feel wanted or needed. I learnt that not even family, no matter how much you sacrifice or serve them has no reason to love you. I have two cats and snakes and I might release the cats onto the balcony, someone will find them by morning so they won't be out there long. I'm too depressed to leave my bed, this isn't a life anymore.

 

[jodes2]

I don't think you can CTB on quetiapine at all. It's an extremely safe drug

 

[ThatSnakeParent]

I don't think you can CTB on quetiapine at all. It's an extremely safe drug

That's frustrating considering it makes me feel like a zombie, I thought it would do something in high doses, I just thought I wasn't taking enough before

 

[FuneralCry]

I think that if someone has managed to successfully ctb that way, then it would be impossible for them to announce it on here.
But I hope that you find the freedom that you wish for as it really can be so tiring feeling trapped in an existence that just causes you to suffer endlessly. It's awful how in this world other people often just make things worse and create more harm, humans really are responsible for so much of the suffering that continues to exist.

 

[ThatSnakeParent]

.

It's like being a husk, you're here to serve until you run out of use.

I had a bad relationship with both parents, one was emotionally abusive the other physically and sexually. It was difficult surviving it all and I can't explain enough that I've really tried to get better and get through this.

I "had" borderline, they have such similar traits but the main difference is I guess that with borderline you can relearn everything with enough DBT, autism is just one endless hole of knowing you should know stuff and how you should be feeling but not if that makes sense. Im so tired.
That's very true… beyond paying bills I can't lie I don't have much money to really dedicate to some of the more solid methods.

Honestly in a sense I'm free, I achieved everything I wanted to, living alone successfully but none of it has meaning. It's repetitive and meaningless. I just want out, I never agreed to this, I now have to live with the consequences of two people who never really liked eachother procreating.