Help Should I tell my professor I'm suicidal/seriously considering ctb?

[Decadent Snake]

My suicidal thoughts have been getting worse. They used to be around 1-3 times every week or so, however, they've now begun reoccurring almost daily. I've already resigned myself that I'm going to ctb, but I'm not sure when.

Lately, its been getting more intense, with multiple instances of me actually considering that I should go through with my plan this summer (the reason that I'm holding on is that I want to go urban exploring with a good friend), but depending on other circumstances I might even decide to ctb earlier.

Now, I have this professor that I'm quite close with. I have already told her a little bit about my suicidal thoughts, but reassured her that it was passive and that I won't ctb for a good few years (changed after I found a more accessible way for my method). She told me that she would get me in touch with a counsellor at student services but that hasn't happened yet (been a couple of weeks). I'm kind of spiralling, and I don't know what to do.

...I don't want to die.

Well, I do, but part of me is torn between leaving and finally being freed of all my struggles, while the other has hope that things will get better if I get help.

I'm worried that if I tell her I might be involuntarily hospitalized, but at the same time I'm hoping that if I do, at least it might be able to help me somewhat. What should I do?

 

[snwcolt]

You shouldn't tell anyone irl unless you want help and don't want to die. If you're sincerely wanting to end yourself without ppl making it more difficult then telling someone is never a good idea. I hope that you still have enough hope left that getting help is a better option, and if that's the case, then go for it and talk to someone so you can get that help before things in your life get any worse

 

[ke9]

Professors aren't really trained to handle this stuff. Best bet, at least from my point of view, is to go to the emergency room of a good hospital--or the best you can find--and voluntarily admit yourself. You'll shoot right to the top of the priority list to get help.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

... but depending on other circumstances I might even decide to ctb earlier.

What are those circumstances? This is obviously the reason that makes you suicidal.

Unless these circumstances can be changed/eliminated or you find a way to 100% cope with them they will still make you suicidal. Do you believe someone else (or a stay in a ward) can fix them?

 

[MathConspiracy]

This is an unpopular opinion but if you want to live, even just a little, you should either seek help or wait for it to worsen until you feel nothing. But if you're sure that you're going to kill yourself and are completely fine with that idea, don't reveal it to anyone. Most people simply don't understand. I don't know where you live but there's a good chance they might lock you up. If you still feel like fessing up, you should see this thread for tips to avoid hospitalization:

How to be honest without ending in a ward?

So how can u tell ur psychologist ur planning or ur not sure on ending yourself when u get home in a week without ending up in a psychiatric ward / hospital?

sanctionedsuicide.site

 

[Decadent Snake]

What are those circumstances? This is obviously the reason that makes you suicidal.

Unless these circumstances can be changed/eliminated or you find a way to 100% cope with them they will still make you suicidal. Do you believe someone else (or a stay in a ward) can fix them?

You do bring up a good point. My circumstances are mainly my undiagnosed chronic DPDR, ADHD, and possibly C-PTSD. i don't have enough money to go and get diagnosed either, and heard that it takes ages to even be assessed. As well, my coursework can get pretty unbearable at times. For now, I can't really change or cope with any of them properly (except for SH but lately even that hasn't been enough).

But I do have a tiny smidge of hope that maybe one day, I'll find the right therapist or person and slowly heal but that sounds pretty unrealistic :,)

This is an unpopular opinion but if you want to live, even just a little, you should either seek help or wait for it to worsen until you feel nothing. But if you're sure that you're going to kill yourself and are completely fine with that idea, don't reveal it to anyone. Most people simply don't understand. I don't know where you live but there's a good chance they might lock you up. If you still feel like fessing up, you should see this thread for tips to avoid hospitalization:

How to be honest without ending in a ward?

So how can u tell ur psychologist ur planning or ur not sure on ending yourself when u get home in a week without ending up in a psychiatric ward / hospital?

sanctionedsuicide.site

This was super helpful, thank you

 

[whywere]

If you feel safe and overall have a feeling that she would just listen and give advice, I say go for it.

I went to a junior college (2-year college) when I went to college because I was 24 and also the money aspect and my 1st year there, I had a professor who was so kind, nice and cool and I finally went to his office one day and he could tell right off the bat that something was REALLY brothering me and he got up, closed the door and we had a VERY long talk and he helped me so very much. He kept everything to himself, and he was a blessing.

Always remember the old saying: "nothing ventured, nothing gained".

Hugs, caring thoughts to you always,

Walter

 

[Forever Sleep]

You don't necessarily need to go through your professor to seek counciling services at uni- if it's the same as mine was anyway. I made an appointment to see the therapist there without my tutors knowing. Still, if this is affecting your work then, it's probably best they do know.

Personally, I think it's worth trying. Obviously though, you may want to hold back on just how actively suicidal you feel. But, it seems like these thoughts are troubling you so presumably, it would be honest to say that you are struggling more frequently with intrusive suicidal thoughts. I think you'll need to push for this though. Maybe try to make the appointment yourself. I think people tend to think the situation has been resolved if you don't keep reminding them. Probably good that your tutor knows but, I wouldn't rely on them getting you the help/ appointment. You could say your tutor suggested it of course- if they require a referral.

 

[Johnzaga23]

dont you think that you should at least try to get help before ending it? even if you end up in the psych ward, you'll get out eventually, if you show that youre fine.

 

[CravingPeace]

I don't know about the professor, but your university's Office of Student Affairs should be able to assist you. They can help coordinate you seeking treatment, including potential financial assistance if that is an issue. They can also act as a liaison between you and your professors in the case of you needing accommodations, due date extensions, etc.

Often times Student Affairs is underused out of fear/stubbornness, but they can be a great resource and are eager to help. They definitely helped me during a mental health crisis.

Of note, if you're trying to avoid getting sent to a psych ward, I wouldn't mention having any suicidal plans or intentions - suicidal thoughts are one thing, plans require intervention.

I hope you can get the help you need my friend.

 

[getoutgirl]

Hi
By what you wrote I can tell two things.

First is that you are going through a lot, and are in a lot of pain, and I'm really sorry. It's awful when those thoughts eat you up, get louder and more frecuent. They can make the world feel sharper at every corner. I've been there and I feel you. It's ok if you feel exhausted by it.
Second is that it seems to me that you still have some hope, and you do not really want to die (you said it yourself) but rather you just want that suffering to end. Ask yourself if you'd prefer to go on living if it went away. Death can often try n present itself as a friend, but bastard can't fake a smile, and you know that deep down.

Some people here are more neutral about this, but I'll be blunt. If you are undecided, currently not getting the help you need and you still hear a voice of hope and a desire to get better amist all that shit you are pulling yourself through: Cling to It. Clutch that hope like a dying fire. Because once it's gone then begins the true desperation or a numbness so consuming you can barely call survival. That hope can rekindle. Hold it precious and close to you whenever posible.

If that's there deep down, there is high chances you can get better. So I strongly suggest you try and get that help. You don't have to tell your teacher if you don't want to, you can access your uni's counsellors directly. There are a lot of stories on voluntary hospitalization for suicidality, sadly sometimes it's not as helpful, you may not need that Now. I get that you just want to get help at any means asap, and I'm glad you do, but try and reach a counsellor first. Don't discard it either, if it gets desperate or feels inmediate don't hesitate to go there. I also hope you can find a good therapist that can help you, I don't think it's unrealistic at all, but I also get why it may seems so. It won't be easy, you know that, but it can get you out of where you are right now and to a place that's worth being in, and I repeat I personaly believe you can do that.

I don't want to insist much or push you, I will encourage you tho. Whatever you do take it slow and be kind to yourself if you can, it'd be easier that way.
I also love urban exploring, one of the coolest things you can do. I'm glad you have a friend to do that with. Try and hold on until that at least :)
Sorry if I rambled. I'm around for venting or whatevs.

Take care <333

 

[leandra]

Please talk to her, make us of the people around you to help yourself. Also consider therapy

 

[Decadent Snake]

Thank you all so much for your kind words and your suggestions, it really means a lot to me.

Hi
By what you wrote I can tell two things.

First is that you are going through a lot, and are in a lot of pain, and I'm really sorry. It's awful when those thoughts eat you up, get louder and more frecuent. They can make the world feel sharper at every corner. I've been there and I feel you. It's ok if you feel exhausted by it.
Second is that it seems to me that you still have some hope, and you do not really want to die (you said it yourself) but rather you just want that suffering to end. Ask yourself if you'd prefer to go on living if it went away. Death can often try n present itself as a friend, but bastard can't fake a smile, and you know that deep down.

Some people here are more neutral about this, but I'll be blunt. If you are undecided, currently not getting the help you need and you still hear a voice of hope and a desire to get better amist all that shit you are pulling yourself through: Cling to It. Clutch that hope like a dying fire. Because once it's gone then begins the true desperation or a numbness so consuming you can barely call survival. That hope can rekindle. Hold it precious and close to you whenever posible.

If that's there deep down, there is high chances you can get better. So I strongly suggest you try and get that help. You don't have to tell your teacher if you don't want to, you can access your uni's counsellors directly. There are a lot of stories on voluntary hospitalization for suicidality, sadly sometimes it's not as helpful, you may not need that Now. I get that you just want to get help at any means asap, and I'm glad you do, but try and reach a counsellor first. Don't discard it either, if it gets desperate or feels inmediate don't hesitate to go there. I also hope you can find a good therapist that can help you, I don't think it's unrealistic at all, but I also get why it may seems so. It won't be easy, you know that, but it can get you out of where you are right now and to a place that's worth being in, and I repeat I personaly believe you can do that.

I don't want to insist much or push you, I will encourage you tho. Whatever you do take it slow and be kind to yourself if you can, it'd be easier that way.
I also love urban exploring, one of the coolest things you can do. I'm glad you have a friend to do that with. Try and hold on until that at least :)
Sorry if I rambled. I'm around for venting or whatevs.

Take care <333

This. After reading your reply, I don't mean to sound so corny or cheesy or anything, but this helped me immensely. Thank you so so much, I really needed to hear this.

I think I'm going to get help. I don't exactly know when, but I think I will contact the counsellor or student affairs soon.

Once again, thank you all so much for your time and kind words; I truly wish you all the best

 

[Zyntkalla]

Thank you all so much for your kind words and your suggestions, it really means a lot to me.

This. After reading your reply, I don't mean to sound so corny or cheesy or anything, but this helped me immensely. Thank you so so much, I really needed to hear this.

I think I'm going to get help. I don't exactly know when, but I think I will contact the counsellor or student affairs soon.

Once again, thank you all so much for your time and kind words; I truly wish you all the best

I am happy for you that you are deciding to get help. I wish I had that option. But my issues has to deal with brain damage,epilepsy, and a bad scar because of the surgery I got for it. And I still have low self esteem even more now than before with all the stuff I had to go through in my life.