shame because of ctb attempt

[the guilt i carry]

i've failed my ctb attempt two days ago and i feel so miserable. i'm so week and such a coward. i'm disgusted with myself. i should've taken more pills or not vomit. and i feel so bad, because there are people, who had more strength and have succeeded.

I'm glad it didn't permanently damage me, but why i just couldn't die. before i vomited i felt like i was choking and i was happy to understand that i can die.

also i don't feel like this happed so recently. like it never even happened. did all this really happen? does anyone here feel the same? will it always be with me?

 

[WorthlessCoward]

I failed to jump three times and failed to partial hang myself twice, I feel like the biggest piece of trash that ever walked the earth

 

[touhoufan]

i've failed my ctb attempt two days ago and i feel so miserable. i'm so week and such a coward. i'm disgusted with myself. i should've taken more pills or not vomit. and i feel so bad, because there are people, who had more strength and have succeeded.

I'm glad it didn't permanently damage me, but why i just couldn't die. before i vomited i felt like i was choking and i was happy to understand that i can die.

also i don't feel like this happed so recently. like it never even happened. did all this really happen? does anyone here feel the same? will it always be with me?

if you tried overdosing on over-the-counter meds (headache & pain meds) , the outcome was always gonna be disappointing. they can take upwards of 3-4 days before slowly (and agonizingly) shutting down your organs one by one. smaller dosage means theres just a risk of damaging your liver and whatnot.

dont tear yourself up over failing. you have more time to think, to double think, to replan. your body wants to stay alive before all, you dont have to be upset over vomiting

itll take more time and planning but youll be able to succeed another time :-)

 

[FuneralCry]

That method just sounds unreliable though, I don't think that it's a matter of strength whether someone succeeds or not with overdoses, they are just generally not recommended for a reliable ctb. There is a reason as to why overdoses aren't included in the suicide resource compilation in here. But anyway it sounds like such a horrible experience what you went through and the reality is that ctb just isn't straightforward, unfortunately. But anyway, I wish you the best.