SH regret

[burninghill]

I've been dealing with a lot of regret in terms of my self harm recently. I think it's because I've started making marks further up my wrist so I've had to buy sleeves to cover them at home.

It sucks. I was caught once before and didn't receive help and it's just spiralled out of control since. Urges for years and years before I gave in again.
I regret it only because I know that I'll get caught eventually, it's been 6 months since I relapsed but I can't hide it forever. The scars are more prominent this time and in more visible places.

The regret and anxiety made me stop for a couple days but not entirely. It puts me off but I'm already this deep. The thought that I'll eventually kill myself makes it better.

I started looking at dates today, ones before my birthday where the tide lines up with the time of night. My spot is only accessible when the water is low.


How do you deal with regretting your self-harm but not being able to stop?

 

[Wolff603]

"WHEN THE TIDES LINE UP" holy big brain

I majorly regret SH around july-august time due to the fact that it was summer and I had to wear a jacket constantly. The way I went around it was I carried the mentality that if anybody really cared about my sh, they would have done something or said something to not make me feel this way, or try to at least help me. When I was caught, I just kept denying and making excuses, though, so the entire mentality towards it stayed in my mind. I didn't look at it with guilt or shame because that would spark more and more of it.

It's more about the perspective of the person than the people who see it, because at the end of the day, who knows what you went through, just because ignorant people ostracize others for certain things doesn't mean they are right. One thing I kept in my mind at all times was "Don't let the words of people who you wouldn't take advice from hurt/criticize you."

 

[shiftingtendons]

i never really felt ashamed, it's who i am and what helped me cope through a rough time. if people couldn't help you through it, they shouldn't judge your ways of surviving. if they really want you alive and happy, surviving with a few scars is way better than dying when you were (are) suffering

 

[alstroemeria55]

I've made it a point to do it somewhere where it definitely won't be visible unless I'm going swimming or something (but I definitely won't) because I don't want anyone asking me about my scars. I can't say I regret it but I haven't done it in a while because I don't want to have to wait for them to heal again to look relatively normal.

 

[burninghill]

"WHEN THE TIDES LINE UP" holy big brain

I majorly regret SH around july-august time due to the fact that it was summer and I had to wear a jacket constantly. The way I went around it was I carried the mentality that if anybody really cared about my sh, they would have done something or said something to not make me feel this way, or try to at least help me. When I was caught, I just kept denying and making excuses, though, so the entire mentality towards it stayed in my mind. I didn't look at it with guilt or shame because that would spark more and more of it.

It's more about the perspective of the person than the people who see it, because at the end of the day, who knows what you went through, just because ignorant people ostracize others for certain things doesn't mean they are right. One thing I kept in my mind at all times was "Don't let the words of people who you wouldn't take advice from hurt/criticize you."

When I relapsed in the summer nobody really cared, honestly. The only people I worry about seeing are family members.
I have it on show almost everywhere that isn't home, no one has ever commented.

It's really crazy, actually. I'm not sure if I'd prefer people mentioned it or not, but they should.

You're right that being ostracised doesn't mean whatever has happened is your fault. I've had to learn that myself too.

I've made it a point to do it somewhere where it definitely won't be visible unless I'm going swimming or something (but I definitely won't) because I don't want anyone asking me about my scars. I can't say I regret it but I haven't done it in a while because I don't want to have to wait for them to heal again to look relatively normal.

Part of the draw for me was/ is visible places unfortunately. It's ironic but you can't always control the weird ways your brain works.

 

[Porgierot]

Honestly the regret just faded as the self harm continued/got worse. It helps nobody really says anything about it to me anyway but it's also not like you can reverse time. What's done is done and I'm deformed from it already anyway. Not enough energy to concern myself with shame or regret over that.