Venting rejection

[frail]

don't really know what my deal is. i can be having a perfectly normal day until i feel like i've let someone down or annoyed them and then im in a fetal position in bed crying over it. i feel like my life doesn't have a purpose unless im serving someone or making someone happy, and anything i do to let someone down means I have no worth at all.

i was getting to know a newer friend in call, and another friend gestured that i basically should shut up. and i feel awful now, like i've done something wrong or im too much of a freak to even get to know people anymore. i feel too gross to be worth being close to anyone now. I don't get it. i don't get anything
i can't believe i spent my whole life trying to lift others up while i fade in the background.. it's so pathetic haha

 

[rs929]

Maybe that's what you've been taught as a child? To ignore your own emotions and attend others?

 

[frail]

Maybe that's what you've been taught as a child? To ignore your own emotions and attend others?

i am only punished for letting down others and i'm only good for giving them what they want

 

[springerclinger27]

i am only punished for letting down others and i'm only good for giving them what they want

Thats how the world works I guess, you are only a tool to everyone so they can get what they want or so they can feed their savior complex of they help you in your time of dying, or suffering in this case.

 

[rs929]

Some people have learned that their best chances at survival when they were kids, was to make their toxic parents happy.
I'm not 100% that's your case but it seems to me that you disregard yourself. Making yourself happy is as important as making other people happy. Maybe more.
It's a lot of work but I think that "unlearning" that and caring about yourself can be learned. I think you have to figure out what YOU really want in life, which isn't easy at all.

 

[Gabriel1987]

You might be an empath. Some people have a very high EQ because they grew up in an extremely toxic environment, and to survive, they had no choice but to analyze the behavior of others, anticipate their emotions and needs in order to be accepted, appreciated, and loved. Empaths know how to take care of others, but not always themselves, because they are generally emotionally dependent and spend their lives sacrificing themselves for others. I'm not explaining this well because I'm on quetiapine and valuim, sorry.