Random thoughts

[Redt2go]

I don't know how it how it happened, it seems to have happened very quickly but I'm a full on alcoholic... :( I haven't eaten today but I've had 2 full bottles of wine

Also I accidentally opened this site in front of a coworker, pray for e

 

[Dead Meat]

I just don't fit in anywhere I never have belonged or accepted by anyone. I feel so sad,lonely, tired and just completely destroyed physically and mentally. There's nothing left for me.

 

[Memento Mori]

taking a break from ss. i need to exchange mails with some users or at least give them one too, am always too lazy to make a new one for my other internet stuff lol.

i hope to see many of you posting here again, and not only sad shit but also some positive evolvings! good luck, it's up on you and your condition to get it (in most cases)

peace ♥

 

[waived]

By watching all of the x-files in a row you get to see a lot of hidden stuff. I haven't watched some of these episodes since I was a kid and had forgotten how great gillian anderson is.

 

[Donewitheverything]

I take solace in the fact there is no afterlife. At least I wouldn't have to either worship a deity for all eternity or burn and be tortured forever. At least when I pass on, I'll actually be able to rest finally.

 

[15dec]

I don't think I can go a single day without something happening to remind me why I should ctb

 

[AhG]

I finally talked to my wife tonight, a whole 2 hours and 23 minutes of talking made my night. We are getting a divorce and I will accept that. But just knowing that she is ok and happy has made me ok and happy! I'll always love her no matter what. It hurts knowing we are over, but I'm happy knowing that she is ok!

 

[Only Me Here]

Everytime i read the news or hear of someone dying i wish i could trade places with them. So many who want to live die and so many who want to die live. Imagine if we could just give our physical life to someone else (not the life we live but their own). Way Less guilt throwing away your own life. Would prob be difficult to decide who deserved it most, id probably give mine to the youngest, or perhaps someone who is really needed on earth.

 

[Roberto]

Everytime i read the news or hear of someone dying i wish i could trade places with them. So many who want to live die and so many who want to die live. Imagine if we could just give our physical life to someone else (not the life we live but their own). Way Less guilt throwing away your own life. Would prob be difficult to decide who deserved it most, id probably give mine to the youngest, or perhaps someone who is really needed on earth.

Many times I have thought that.

 

[OnlyMercy]

What is this world coming to, life goes on even if you don't want it to...

 

[Roberto]

What is this world coming to, life goes on even if you don't want it to...

And even if we are alive or not.
I'm quite drunk.

 

[Memento Mori]

emptiness feels...interesting

3 weeks benzos, 2 weeks ketamine. and it's continuing...


if u have will to live anyways, where is the meaning in continuing living on such a level of melancholy, and where is the meaning in dying?

i can't ctb right now, even if i would want to very badly


the good vibes are broken forever without her

and maybe you just cant change physical laws anymore...

hug me tight, keta-me, i love you. please stay as long as you can

 

[Manaaja]

I love species without sexual dimorphism. There's no sexism without dimorphism. No-one is better or worse at anything than the other.

 

[thatguyakira123]

So after my depression a couple of weeks ago I was feeling this odd sense of calm and not giving a shit. It was so weird that I actually was able to set up a job interview for myself on Tuesday. Now this has happen before, inbetween my bouts of depression and anxiety I get a few moments of calm. This one actually lasted a week, now this is due to the fact that I did cut myself and had a very low self esteem at the time. Last night I could feel my anxiety trying to come back. Typical of it wanting to resurface when I have an interview on Tuesday.

And then ofcourse my abusive ass hat of a brother have to make things worse. So at nights, I sit and hang with my dogs, they are my babies. The youngest and smallest of the 2 doesn't like my brother and barks at him. Tonight, my brother came home from watching a movie and as usual the small dog was barking at him. Now that dog only barks but he neither rushes nor bites. Because I was there my brother tried to provoke the dog into attacking him by walking towards him and telling the dog to attack him, the dog back tracked but was still barking until he came behind me. My brother then went to the stairs and the dog followed him but at this point the dog was silent. Then my brother said to the dog "The Next Time You Bark At Me I Will Hit You"

That's when my anxiety got triggered. My brother once threw a puppy from over the railing from atop the very same stairs, a two story stairs, all because he was angry and the puppy came licking at his feet for attention. My older dog, he stomped on his belly repeatedly one night because he was studying and wanted silence. Luckily my dog was ok and not bleeding internally. I'm glad I'm confident now to stand up against him and I've protected my dogs and my mom from him before, and yet still he's able to trigger my anxiety simply because he is an abusive person and his abusive history towards me, my parents and all the pets we've had before.

Why am I afraid of this attention whore? And because I've stood up to him before, he doesn't do or say anything to them unless someone is around. Gotta play the victim. The only reasons why he did what he did tonight was to either provoke the dog into attacking him so he can attack the dog and play the victim or to provoke me into attacking him because he attacked the dog, thus playing the victim again.

The fucking attention whore is sleeping right now. I hope he is fucking happy cuz now my fucking head is in a loop, my heart is fucking racing and the only way to fix it is to cut but I'm scared to cut because of my mistake last time. Fuck why do I have to be the one that dies, why can't he just die and leave everyone in this house at peace. I feel like I've failed my dog by not defending him tonight, I was more concerned with not going to jail or not getting beaten up.

 

[suffering]

Wondering how long will it take until my colleges figure out that I'm a reclusive suicidal misanthrope and get me fired. Hoping I can get at least a 1 month's worth of salary.

 

[Memento Mori]

sleeping in obbrt mx lrxnpsrd
hpe zhwtf svzuwllx loofk lovbggg


i to type it in my state of highness, but i directly forgot the maning. let's call this art

 

[IronTusk]

I'm hurting my family

 

[Only Me Here]

So after my depression a couple of weeks ago I was feeling this odd sense of calm and not giving a shit. It was so weird that I actually was able to set up a job interview for myself on Tuesday. Now this has happen before, inbetween my bouts of depression and anxiety I get a few moments of calm. This one actually lasted a week, now this is due to the fact that I did cut myself and had a very low self esteem at the time. Last night I could feel my anxiety trying to come back. Typical of it wanting to resurface when I have an interview on Tuesday.

And then ofcourse my abusive ass hat of a brother have to make things worse. So at nights, I sit and hang with my dogs, they are my babies. The youngest and smallest of the 2 doesn't like my brother and barks at him. Tonight, my brother came home from watching a movie and as usual the small dog was barking at him. Now that dog only barks but he neither rushes nor bites. Because I was there my brother tried to provoke the dog into attacking him by walking towards him and telling the dog to attack him, the dog back tracked but was still barking until he came behind me. My brother then went to the stairs and the dog followed him but at this point the dog was silent. Then my brother said to the dog "The Next Time You Bark At Me I Will Hit You"

That's when my anxiety got triggered. My brother once threw a puppy from over the railing from atop the very same stairs, a two story stairs, all because he was angry and the puppy came licking at his feet for attention. My older dog, he stomped on his belly repeatedly one night because he was studying and wanted silence. Luckily my dog was ok and not bleeding internally. I'm glad I'm confident now to stand up against him and I've protected my dogs and my mom from him before, and yet still he's able to trigger my anxiety simply because he is an abusive person and his abusive history towards me, my parents and all the pets we've had before.

Why am I afraid of this attention whore? And because I've stood up to him before, he doesn't do or say anything to them unless someone is around. Gotta play the victim. The only reasons why he did what he did tonight was to either provoke the dog into attacking him so he can attack the dog and play the victim or to provoke me into attacking him because he attacked the dog, thus playing the victim again.

The fucking attention whore is sleeping right now. I hope he is fucking happy cuz now my fucking head is in a loop, my heart is fucking racing and the only way to fix it is to cut but I'm scared to cut because of my mistake last time. Fuck why do I have to be the one that dies, why can't he just die and leave everyone in this house at peace. I feel like I've failed my dog by not defending him tonight, I was more concerned with not going to jail or not getting beaten up.

I think your brother needs to get hit by the bus, he will continue to torture your poor parents and animals. May i ask what country you are in?

 

[Redt2go]

I'm pretty sad because today I'm sure without a doubt.

I'm also afraid of reincarnation

 

[Memento Mori]

what could i say now. i want to say so much but i dont know where to begin, what to not forget, and what to leave out because its just lame talking. i am just gonna say: i wish you all the best. please dont die if you can, and even if you die dont die! we all love life, consciousness, feeling :)
and go to a fucking festivel even i have to do that! go and check out defqon one sunday lightshow :D

[IMG alt="Memento Mori"]https://sanctioned-suicide.net/data/avatars/s/5/5254.jpg?1555717200[/IMG]
Memento Mori

signing out now. see ya

 

[lululoo]

I was always so desperate for a partner but at this point I don't even want it anymore. Cause I'd have to be me in that partnership. I just want to die instead. 7 more weeks. Hopefully.

 

[Donewitheverything]

I'm so fucking damaged, like holy shit. I didn't mean to make her cry.... Fuck.

 

[thatguyakira123]

I hate having anxiety. I have a job interview at 10am, it's currently 3am and my anxiety has me up with all kind of stupid thoughts. So I've decided to never sleep, I barely sleep at all anyways. Maybe then I'll be able to sleep.

I think your brother needs to get hit by the bus, he will continue to torture your poor parents and animals. May i ask what country you are in?

I'm from the caribbean.

 

[akita]

I wish I wasn't such a useless hermit and could find happiness in what I have. God I want to die

 

[Donewith_]

I am useless.. a waste
I am confused the same way as today from as long as I know myself
This sounds harsh.. but I don't think I can do this and am fit for this
I don't want anything

 

[Worthless_nobody]

I actually got a job but worthless me had a panic attack and let anxiety take over and I didn't show up. I hate myself. I'm nothing but a failure. My ex is right I'll never amount to anything and I'm completely inept and stupid for someone in their 20s.

 

[WOODESITY]

I don't know , I feel bad for writing this, all I know is that I hate myself so much, I wanna be gone... hopefully I'll off myself soon..

I actually got a job but worthless me had a panic attack and let anxiety take over and I didn't show up. I hate myself. I'm nothing but a failure. My ex is right I'll never amount to anything and I'm completely inept and stupid for someone in their 20s.

I hate panic attacks, reason i got fired from my last job.. anxiety.. i f** hate this all..I'm sorry to hear that

 

[Youthanasia]

I'm bored on so many levels that I started watching desperate housewives.

 

[Manaaja]

I will be what I want to be in the next life, in the next world. Nothing can stop me from becoming what I want to be.

 

[Roberto]

It's always the same. I get in-love with a woman that doesn't like me. I try to put a barrier in my emotions to deal with these situations.