Random thoughts

[leaps]

I'm not happy with myself

 

[Dead Meat]

I wish I could just disintegrate into thin air.

 

[leaps]

Ironic, contradicting, hypocritical

 

[Noitu x Love]

Just feeling so weary today and can't concentrate on much of anything, can't get into anything either. Also fed up about reading about work being a health outcome and Amber Rudd shitting all over the Gp patient relationship with her idiotic policies that are now starting to creep into hospitals. Missing the elephant in the room that sick people too ill to work do fucking exist! Mental health is not solved by a job at Mc Donalds... Drowning in your own lung fluid is not cured by working at Starbucks... leave them the fuck alone and stop trying to co-opt the medical profession to suit your ideology. Renaming a sick note to a fit note does not magically cure anything either. Something is not voluntary if refusal means starvation either. Can I kill an MP but as a method to mask the awfulness of the act rename it a soil enrichment initiative? It is so damn Orwellian at this point. Wish I could just shut down and stop thinking. Instead, I am just ruminating in impotent rage. It is such wasted energy though, it is not like I can change anything... I am so tired and can't seem to escape today.

Yikes. NoChoice has a point. Quit trying so hard.

 

[Redt2go]

Starting to think I want a ctb partner. It's dangerous though and idk

 

[CFLoser]

I do not like how I look. I am ugly.

Ugliness = Unhealthy. My ugliness is a result of my millions of unhealthy habits from the time I was 0 days old. It's not unnatural to HATE ugly people, they are akin to the sick.

 

[kimi]

I don't belong anywhere

 

[sólstafir]

Worried I'll postpone my death forever

That's what I do while I don't move on with my life, if it's weekend it means I can't hang myself because people are outside, walking, hiking, so Saturday-Sunday I can't do it. Then comes Monday and I start postponing it. Because hanging yourself doesn't seem pleasant you know. I also find excuses like it's too dark to walk too many kilometres, or it's slippery outside. Sometimes I'm very motivated, I almost meditate and imagine the feeling of putting rope around my neck. Then I freeze in my mind, I can't do it, I get scared. Then I think of new method. But I don't think any other method is for me. And during my days I think of my failures, wasted time being suicidal, omg there is so much to think. Like you, I miss my ex so much. Today I listened to songs that meant so much to us and tortured myself. So anyway, I've been like this more than a year now. Suicidal for more than 365 days, before that I was suicidal for 7 years also but at least I lived. After breakup I completely stopped living. So postponing suicide is a lifestyle sadly.

 

[sólstafir]

:D:D When I read what I write, I just get embarrassed, I have a writing style of a 7-year old.

 

[CFLoser]

I wonder if aliens exist what they are thinking of right now.

It would be super duper fun to go to Mars and play capture the flag humans vs. Aliens.

Though now that I type this there aren't really any good hiding spots for a flag Mars.

 

[waived]

Though now that I type this there aren't really any good hiding spots for a flag Mars.

but it could make up for that by being fast and having hoverbikes and stuff


*That first bit was part of something else from another post that was going on

 

[iHeartRockArt]

Sick and tired of being sick and tired.

 

[Worthless_nobody]

I wish i could erase all my memories of past trauma. I miss being loved, I miss having fun, I miss being happy (mediocre happy at best but anything is better than this) I miss who I used to be...who i should have been...i just miss it all

 

[iHeartRockArt]

I wish i could erase all my memories of past trauma. I miss being loved, I miss having fun, I miss being happy (mediocre happy at best but anything is better than this) I miss who I used to be...who i should have been...i just miss it all

I sooo can relate to you on this. Damn. Really makes me miss my old self a lot. I'm so sorry you feel this way too.

 

[Worthless_nobody]

I sooo can relate to you on this. Damn. Really makes me miss my old self a lot. I'm so sorry you feel this way too.

I just want my old life back. Who i was before i was abused. I wish I could just pick myself up again and keep on going and trying but i cant im worn out. Its like life has just chipped away at me slowly and im nothing but a shell of who I was. Family shuns me because I cant be "normal" anymore but they just dont get what its like to go thru what I have been thru. Im glad I found this site though its really nice to be so welcomed and not be judged.

 

[throwaway123]

Sick and tired of being sick and tired.

same

 

[Redt2go]

How I feel about ctb

 

[leaps]

I miss ALL of my past

 

[thatguyakira123]

I found a 54L x 0.5W in inches rope in my back yard. It's enough to hang me, It's still hella strong as well. Now all I have to do is find a private beam to tie it. I'm 5ft and 120lbs. Glad I don't have to use shoe laces anymore.

 

[WhiteRabbit]

It's been over two years and I still have moments where I stop and think "Donald fucking Trump is president of the United States of America, the guy from reality TV, WTF?????"

 

[LiveSlowDieFast]

I'm already dreading spring and summer

 

[sadsoul]

I wish I could give you all a big hug and take away all your pain. Hold you when you can't do it anymore and desperately need someone. You are such kind and wonderful people, so understanding, non-judgmental and absolutely lovely. Knowing this community is such an honor. And it makes me so sad that you're suffering so much :( I want to cry but I can't. So instead I'll send all my love and appreciation to you <3 I wish you could all become happy and never feel this pain again. Life isn't fair at all and you don't deserve this. Please never forget how amazing and loved you are, even when you don't feel like it. Hugs <3

 

[waived]

Does anybody else really like raw onion?

 

[SeekingSolace]

I really like this website. I find it comforting. I do have this irrational fear, on here and in real life, that I will say something stupid and make a fool of myself.

I am wildly uncomfortable in social situations and always worry I will embarrass myself. People who know me think I'm intelligent, but I feel like I am just really good at faking it. I feel ill equipped to deal with life.

I'm tired of waking up from a seizure in the hospital or on the ground bleeding and bruised. I'm tired of feeling humiliated. I was a different person before the seizures started...I mean I was the same person, but my fear and trepidation of humiliating myself wasn't so overwhelming.

Five years of these seizures has pulled the darkness that was already inside of me out, and it just seems to grow...to engulf me and color my view of myself and the world around me. I'm tired.

Thank you for letting me vent.

 

[lost illusions]

Does anybody else really like raw onion?

Me

 

[lost illusions]

Black ice ice baby

 

[lost illusions]

Have to love freezing rain on the road

 

[lost illusions]

First wreck of the night

 

[lost illusions]

Wreck #2

 

[lost illusions]

Oh no. Hope you're ok? Be safe out there. That stuff is nothing nice.

Not me so far