I don't think I want to get better. Even if I tell myself that I want to feel better or that I should want to at least, that message doesn't seem to connect in my brain for some reason. I don't know how to explain it, rationally I might understand that I in part contribute to my own negative feelings, but emotionally that realisation simply isn't there and so I end up doing nothing at all.
Also, the urge to just hang myself is getting stronger and stronger. I really want to just take my scarf and get it over with, but I can't...