I really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really want to stop existing after I die. Right now that is all i ask.
I'm not sure of what do you want, you wasn't very specific...
I think she wants to disappear, but I'm not sure...
--------------
I sometimes wonder if I should keep faking happiness and reserving my bad feelings to myself or if I should finally explode. I can't handle this more time.
RoloTomasi
Specialist
- Jul 21, 2018
- 319
I learned that it is better to keep to myself, for most people that is. Sharing my bad feelings often leads to not being taken seriously, very disappointing. Pouring it all out will surely make me look like a looney. So yeah, option A whether I ctb, or the offchance of living on.
I know the best option is keeping it to myself and I try it hardly but I don't know my limit. I hope I could endure it time enough.
Trying not to miss out on an important message on this forum, and the rest of the time just wondering where my life is heading if I have to just continue settling for less and going through the motions for however long my natural life naturally lasts for. Sigh. I also wonder at times, whether I have two ideal after-life scenarios, or should I just stick to the one. Each one has a different lover, but neither after-life will be connected to the other. One is more like a reincarnation, the other one is just the me from this universe (assuming my spirit or soul goes to a parallel universe) enjoying an isolated world like this one, just minus other people. like ruins of society.
Well it's just sooo kawaii with a little scarf and everything ^.^
Goddamn I learned that the hard way too.
icky
Member
- Jun 14, 2018
- 46
Every time I go to that Chill Radio 24/7 channel on the youtubes there's someone in the chat being a racist or a general asshole. Why are people like this? I thought I'd try making some vaporwave buddies but I guess not :/ Guess I'll just clean my room!
YouTube comments and chat rooms are like the sewers of humanity. Some of the worst people alive are in those places. I actually removed the comment sections from YouTube with an extension to avoid reading comments by accident. Gosh, humans are vile.
icky
Member
- Jun 14, 2018
- 46
True that :/ Looks like I've been spoiled by those heavily-moderated kitten room streams and certain channels with comment sections that are just memes and quoting the video
Don't feel bad about that. Any decent human being would be bothered by what you read in non-moderated chats.
Fylobatica
Inactive
- Apr 1, 2018
- 365
I need to do this too ASAP. Almost every corner of social media platforms is literally infested. Thanks for the suggestion
That is what I meant. I want to be truly gone after I die. No afterlife or whatever. It just feels like rolling a dice to me, and I don't want to risk having to life another life (or non life) of misery. Better to stop being altogether.
Anyways, I faked my feelings for years. Bottling up all the negativity. When I exploded, it wasn't pretty... So these days I am more open about what I feel, whether others like it or not. I am not going to suffer (more than the usual) for no good reason. Well, the point is: From my experience, keeping things to yourself does more harm than good.
The last time I exploded... well, I don't want you have a wrong concept of me so I only will say it was terrible. I wanted to cry for help desperately and nobody come. I tried it the last day and it has worse consequences. I can't repress nor express myself. What should I do?
Maybe with support I wouldn't be here, I would be able to distract myself with things to cope until I die for being old. But they denied helping me and I will die before it was planned. Some people think it's tragic, others think I will be freed... me incluided, of course if not I wouldn't be here.
Fylobatica
Inactive
- Apr 1, 2018
- 365
I was hoping for a new post about @Tiburcio 's travels in Europe, since I was interested in his narrative after that mighty spit on the menu in France.
This is relatively light.
A friend pissed the carpet of the hotel room immediately when we arrived. We had to throw water to disguise that smell.
Fylobatica
Inactive
- Apr 1, 2018
- 365
Lol, he had to mark his territory as soon as he set foot on land. Considering that they treated you not so nicely in the end, it was kind of a surprise present.
I just saw one of the afterlife threads and it gave me an idea.
Putting all the guys in an arena, giving all them a pocketknife and the last survivor wins the discussion.
And the others could find their so wished afterlife... or not.
Don't do it please.
Putting all the guys in an arena, giving all them a pocketknife and the last survivor wins the discussion.
And the others could find their so wished afterlife... or not.
Don't do it please.
Soon4me
Enlightened
- Jun 15, 2018
- 1,591
Most of the time,i have difficulty communicating with people,both online and offline.In my mind i know what i want to say,But the words just don't come out properly.
after answering to that thread I always feel like I had worked out at the gym with 500.000 kg barbells. Too much nonsense going around, except for a couple of people. We should just let it sink
The last time I exploded (in 2015, I think) I ripped off a big chunk of my hair. Just to begin with... It was ugly.
You seem to express yourself quite often here, how come do you say you can't express yourself? Do you mean outside of the internet?
I think there are 2 separate threads around here... But yes, I'm tired to beat a dead horse so I'll just slip away from the discussion
Yes, I mean outside the internet, in real life. Venting here aliviates part of the pressure I experience so that's the reason I post so much: I live in constant anxiety.
Apart of this, I should stop worrying so much for everything.
I have a friend who I used to talk daily. She has several migraines so I left her all the time she wants for replying (usually 8, 12 or in rare ocasions 24 hours). Sometimes, she is inactive for days but the last time she did it, she said me her suicide method was ready, so I thought she was dead.
She is supposed to be alive, but I have four days without news of her which is more than I never waited. I don't want to think she did it because she promised she will say me goodbye but the curcumstances are so extreme than I won't be surprised if she did it.
Also, the last time we talked I felt I annoyed her and I felt really bad with myself. If she is truly dead and she never forgave me, I don't know how I could handle it. I feel really guilty.
I have a friend who I used to talk daily. She has several migraines so I left her all the time she wants for replying (usually 8, 12 or in rare ocasions 24 hours). Sometimes, she is inactive for days but the last time she did it, she said me her suicide method was ready, so I thought she was dead.
She is supposed to be alive, but I have four days without news of her which is more than I never waited. I don't want to think she did it because she promised she will say me goodbye but the curcumstances are so extreme than I won't be surprised if she did it.
Also, the last time we talked I felt I annoyed her and I felt really bad with myself. If she is truly dead and she never forgave me, I don't know how I could handle it. I feel really guilty.
I'm really just repeating what you said, but I'm the same way. I know what I want to express, but I just can't seem to properly translate it into words. It doesn't seem to matter how much time I spend thinking over what I want to say beforehand or spend writing and rewriting something, it just never comes out the way I wanted it to. It's so frustrating.
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Soon4me
Enlightened
- Jun 15, 2018
- 1,591
@Maggotymaggots
It sure is ! Good to know i'm not the only one :)
Also sometimes when i am trying to give someone a complement,I end up insulting them.
It sure is ! Good to know i'm not the only one :)
Also sometimes when i am trying to give someone a complement,I end up insulting them.
I can't handle this tension. I can't stop thinking if she is dead or just disabled but I feel very bad thinking maybe I will never see her again.
She was extremely important for me. I hope I can stop tginking about it soon because this tension is killing me.
RoloTomasi
Specialist
- Jul 21, 2018
- 319
Don't blame yourself too much on this man, you know you are not at fault. It looks to me that you really cared and I'm quite positive she felt that. As for her... kind of reminded me of those who post here, that they are finally gonna do it, and they became inactive here since then. I have literally mixed feelings, sad that he had to go, if only he's in better circumstances. And at the same time I also feel relief for him, since he succeeded and finally got out of his predicament.
Can't think of anything, can't do anything. Incomplete death
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