Random thoughts

[kkatt]

I may have self harmed in other, more devious ways, but it's been several years since I cut myself.
A certain person that I've known for many years and come to trust, has obviously been taking advantage of that trust. This is what I call "piss taking".
Naturally I blame myself for letting it happen and I went and cut my wrists last night.
What a compete idiot!!

 

[Weeping Garbage Can]

The 'daydream' I had (while maladaptive daydreaming? ) as I was walking with my favorite music this evening built up to be so intense and profound, I feel like it may have been the closest to euphoria I have experienced in a long while. I am still reeling from it as I'm typing this, the closest I can describe it is as if it feels like I went on a 'trip'. It felt more like reality and more like home in my mind, than anything else for some time now. What an experience!

 

[k75]

I feel invisible. I don't like it.

 

[irrelevant_string]

Yes, that's a much more mature and sophisticated way to look at it. I just remember my 10 year old self feeling personally attacked when she said "why did you do such a thing?" ,reloading the game and choosing the other option in order to please her, only to be met with "why did you do such a thing?".

But the problem is actually in the simple dualistic approach of the game and Star Wars universe in general.
She has a point and is the most complex character in the game and I've started to appreciate her more as I grew older and replayed the game.

I actually didn't know that you could play it in other languages. When I tried to play it for the first time I could barely understand anything so I gave up quickly. Well, my native language isn't an option anyway.
But I'd like to try playing it with the restored content mod.

God I love that old manipulative hag

Yeah, if she were my grandma or something I wouldn't be this mess that I am now.

 

[blanketyblk]

So got offered a chance to play at the piano bar at the resort tonight. think i might do it. after having a few drinks to calm my nerves

 

[SinisterKid]

I awoke this morning from another fitful nights sleep and the first thought that hit me was "oh no, not again"

 

[262653]

Yes, that's a much more mature and sophisticated way to look at it. I just remember my 10 year old self feeling personally attacked when she said "why did you do such a thing?" ,reloading the game and choosing the other option in order to please her, only to be met with "why did you do such a thing?".

I too was obsessing over gaining positive influence, with being a party-pleaser, and playing either radically light or dark characters. Not dark males though, that's a big no-no. I felt having more freedom of choice playing females, and really love that "screwed-up" outward appearance dark ladies had. Looks so powerful... and willing to exercise power and control over others.
"You two, give me all your credits and jump into the pit behind you."
Atton shows disobedience, Exile shows her proficiency with Force Choke.
I'm melting already, so as HK-47.

But the problem is actually in the simple dualistic approach of the game and Star Wars universe in general.

That's why I enjoyed KoTOR 2 more, not just because of improved (overpowered) crafting & upgrade system, and more force powers. First one felt too two-sided, main character is either a hero or a villain. In sequel you're trying to hide from the assassin army, led by a sith lord who seems to sleep with vibroblades, while inadvertently devastating a dozen of planets with one shot... I couldn't sleep for an hour yesterday because I was so agitated by TSL memories.

She has a point and is the most complex character in the game and I've started to appreciate her more as I grew older and replayed the game.

I used to carry an old bag for experience boost and because she with Visas were the only magic followers (or so I thought) in the game, but yeah, I feel so excited to make another playthrough with my current perspective/level of understanding language, abstract ideas and concepts, and finally not in Russian translation.

Yeah, if she were my grandma or something I wouldn't be this mess that I am now.

Word :)

Thanos was too soft with human population, and wasn't able to capitalize on his grave mistake. He should've gone for the head.

the problem of consciousness - the hard problem, mind-body problems, free will etc

I'm not sure if it's even wise on my side to even attempt to grasp such complex problems. DC of cracking these nuts is probably higher than that of resisting Plague. I'll look for some audio content to listen so the whole trip to the grocery store wouldn't be such a waste of time.

 

[Azazel]

So got offered a chance to play at the piano bar at the resort tonight. think i might do it. after having a few drinks to calm my nerves

Playing music in front of people can be scary, but it sure is amazing, I hope it goes great if you decide to do it

 

[blanketyblk]

Playing music in front of people can be scary, but it sure is amazing, I hope it goes great if you decide to do it

about to head down there now. got a list of songs I'm going to play. 4 songs on violin, 2 on the cello and 2 on the piano. had 3 whiskies neat to easy the nerves. the last time i played in front of an audience was 11 years ago at a friends wedding.

*got my fingers cross they don't boo me and throw tomatoes at me :-)

 

[Azazel]

about to head down there now. got a list of songs I'm going to play. 4 songs on violin, 2 on the cello and 2 on the piano. had 3 whiskies neat to easy the nerves. the last time i played in front of an audience was 11 years ago at a friends wedding.

*got my fingers cross they don't boo me and throw tomatoes at me :-)

Good luck, don't worry about what people may think, try to enjoy the music and all will go well. Also, violin, cello and piano, I really love those instruments. Well, have a nice time playing!

 

[irrelevant_string]

I felt having more freedom of choice playing females

How so?
I played as a male once and only then realized that you get Brianna instead of Mical that way (and only that way which is just... ugh) but it came as a pleasant surprise at the time as I didn't like him for some reason. It took a lot of willpower to start playing on the dark side for a change though.
I like Atton, that imbecile and fool, he's as Atton as Atton will ever be. Him and Kreia together too, their conversations are the best.

I couldn't sleep for an hour yesterday because I was so agitated by TSL memories.

I fell asleep listening to "The Ultimate Star Wars KotOR Soundtrack mix". It brings so many childhood memories. Bastilla's theme almost made me emotional.
But oh my god, I just found a video of Malak speaking Russian. That's so weird! I can't imagine Kreia doing that... Serbian would be just pure cringe.

DC of cracking these nuts is probably higher than that of resisting Plague

Indeed(I usually read that word in Kreia's voice).
So did you manage to find anything worth listening to on your trip to the grocery store?

 

[262653]

How so?
I played as a male once and only then realized that you get Brianna instead of Mical that way (and only that way which is just... ugh) but it came as a pleasant surprise at the time as I didn't like him for some reason. It took a lot of willpower to start playing on the dark side for a change though.
I like Atton, that imbecile and fool, he's as Atton as Atton will ever be. Him and Kreia together too, their conversations are the best.

I fell asleep listening to "The Ultimate Star Wars KotOR Soundtrack mix". It brings so many childhood memories. Bastilla's theme almost made me emotional.
But oh my god, I just found a video of Malak speaking Russian. That's so weird! I can't imagine Kreia doing that... Serbian would be just pure cringe.

Indeed(I usually read that word in Kreia's voice).
So did you manage to find anything worth listening to on your trip to the grocery store?

I think it's because I was identifying strongly with male characters and didn't want to acknowledge my darker nature by roleplaying them, but I feel more like an observer when protagonist is female.

Oh, I forgot they had names, lol. I liked Handmaiden more because I was obsessing far too much with character stats, and she offered Battle Precognition and unique melee combat feats, while Disciple offered nothing. (As far as I can remember. I didn't bother much with him.)

Maybe Atton is smarter than he appears to be. I liked the pazaak trick.

I don't get why it's called Bastilla's theme. It's played in Taris hideout, long before we meet her. More like Carth's theme? I liked that too. Serene and peaceful. And character creation music from TSL. And droid battle theme, played in Dantooine and Rakatan temples.
I still remember my anticipation of leaving Taris and returning as a Jedi, because I played KoTOR 2 before 1...

I've seen only text translation, but no voice. Translating Kreia would be like translating Shakespearean works.

Not yet. Maybe some David Chalmers talk on YT about his problems, converted to mp3 and downloaded to media player device.

 

[irrelevant_string]

I think it's because I was identifying strongly with male characters and didn't want to acknowledge my darker nature by roleplaying them, but I feel more like an observer when protagonist is female.

I see, that makes sense.

Maybe some David Chalmers talk on YT

Nice. Both Sam Harris and Robert Wright had him on their podcasts. I like listening to those two.

 

[throwaway123]

Fate is inescapable

 

[blanketyblk]

about to head down there now. got a list of songs I'm going to play. 4 songs on violin, 2 on the cello and 2 on the piano. had 3 whiskies neat to easy the nerves. the last time i played in front of an audience was 11 years ago at a friends wedding.

*got my fingers cross they don't boo me and throw tomatoes at me :-)

had a ball. was so nervous. but gosh did i have fun. i think it's the first time I've had a true smile on my face since my mum died last year. going to do it again on Friday night. and going to open it up to requests.. (if i know the song)

 

[Azazel]

had a ball. was so nervous. but gosh did i have fun. i think it's the first time I've had a true smile on my face since my mum died last year. going to do it again on Friday night. and going to open it up to requests.. (if i know the song)

I'm so happy that it went great and that you had a good time. I'm sorry about you losing your mother, but I'm glad that you could get your smile back. Good luck again on Friday, taking requests can be a really fun thing to do :)

 

[RM5998]

Why do the days I want to drown my thoughts with alcohol happen to be the days when it's not a good idea...

 

[SinisterKid]

I need this to stop. The great peaks of the highs and the great lows of the troughs. I just dont know how to stop it though. I get myself to a point where I want to give it a real go only for something to go wrong and I come crashing back down. Just stop, please!

 

[Now_And_Then]

A random thought , but I just came across a girl that used to be in my class at school on face book (I rarely use it , but there is a school photo tagged with us all )

This is none of my business at all , I don't even know her , but she has named one if her little boys Kai . I hate this when girls use names like that for their kids . It feels chavvy , I watched one of her videos and her accent sounds a little chavvy . To me that name was obviously chosen to make it sound cool and edgy . What's happened to the days of Christopher , Andrew , Mike and George ? His name sounds like a name of a fucking future Street fighter character

And she has since become a secondary school teacher ? Give me over

I bet she is the S J W type teacher that is all buddy buddy with her pupils

Sorry , minor rant over

Lord help this world

 

[Morphinekiss]

My damn anxiety is through the roof and I can feel another break down coming

 

[Lefty]

Wanting to CTB again.

 

[ReverendGreen]

I hate having days off of work so much.
On a day off there's no excuse for being too tired to do anything.

 

[Life sucks]

Life is dumb thing. Its all biochemistry, when you don't get the chemicals in your head, you can't do or won't do anything. Fucking stupid shit

 

[Morphinekiss]

Finally got an appointment with the oncologist. And now it's real. It's really real and I could really have cancer.

 

[Lefty]

Mental illness is a bitch!

 

[blanketyblk]

Finally got an appointment with the oncologist. And now it's real. It's really real and I could really have cancer.

Hugs, i know the feeling your going though.. it's not easy to cope with. but i got my fingers and toes crossed for you *even if they are just crossed because the weather here is frigging freezing*. but not. keep your chin up. and i hope you have a sweet doctor! :-)

Mental illness is a bitch!

aye. it's something that unless you experienced it, you can't really describe it to people.

 

[Lefty]

Hugs, i know the feeling your going though.. it's not easy to cope with. but i got my fingers and toes crossed for you *even if they are just crossed because the weather here is frigging freezing*. but not. keep your chin up. and i hope you have a sweet doctor! :-)


aye. it's something that unless you experienced it, you can't really describe it to people.

That's true.

 

[Lennox]

I keep browsing this site when I really should be getting work done.

 

[throwaway123]

It doesn't matter what I do. It doesn't matter how many times I do the right thing. I'll always be the villain.
I never even stood a chance. I was set up to fail.

The only person you can ever truly rely on is yourself.

 

[Now_And_Then]

Why the fuck was I born ?