CowardlyLies
New Member
- Mar 2, 2026
- 2
https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/ive-been-lying-to-my-family-for-1-year-now.237072/
So about 3 weeks ago I got caught lying after 2 years (tax season.) My mom saw me leaving the house, then I got caught at the bus station right as it pulled up. I broke down and told my family how I failed my first semester of college. They placated me with false hope, "You're still young." Fast forward to today and my dad is STILL the abusive asshole i've known all my life, still trying to pressure, dictate, and control my life. Comparing me to other people, lying to make me look bad, insulting me, I remember everything. This 70 year old man has ruined my life.
I should of killed myself in my teens, it would of saved me the trouble. The world is shitty, the job market is awful, and my personal prospects suck. Even if my dad dies a sudden death tomorrow, the damage is already done. I've lost so much financial aid money, skills, and time with the academic probation. Even if I graduate college I have no work experience and I'm too poor to move out. I'm less than 5ft tall, I'm ugly, and have no friends. Even if I work as a wage slave for years then somehow get a good job then what? I already lived as a NEET for 2 years, I don't want to feel purposeless. And I don't want to live with that asshole
I have a few short term joys that keep me going but... sometimes it feels like wasting time. Of course i still care about my mom and sibling, but idk how to explain this. I'm a useless boring burden. I used to be a smart student, why did it end up like this? I can't even get therapy. I already finished some of my bucket list so i feel satisfied enough. I'll give myself a deadline to prepare... maybe i'll change my mind later.
May I find meaning in Life and peace in Death
So about 3 weeks ago I got caught lying after 2 years (tax season.) My mom saw me leaving the house, then I got caught at the bus station right as it pulled up. I broke down and told my family how I failed my first semester of college. They placated me with false hope, "You're still young." Fast forward to today and my dad is STILL the abusive asshole i've known all my life, still trying to pressure, dictate, and control my life. Comparing me to other people, lying to make me look bad, insulting me, I remember everything. This 70 year old man has ruined my life.
I should of killed myself in my teens, it would of saved me the trouble. The world is shitty, the job market is awful, and my personal prospects suck. Even if my dad dies a sudden death tomorrow, the damage is already done. I've lost so much financial aid money, skills, and time with the academic probation. Even if I graduate college I have no work experience and I'm too poor to move out. I'm less than 5ft tall, I'm ugly, and have no friends. Even if I work as a wage slave for years then somehow get a good job then what? I already lived as a NEET for 2 years, I don't want to feel purposeless. And I don't want to live with that asshole
I have a few short term joys that keep me going but... sometimes it feels like wasting time. Of course i still care about my mom and sibling, but idk how to explain this. I'm a useless boring burden. I used to be a smart student, why did it end up like this? I can't even get therapy. I already finished some of my bucket list so i feel satisfied enough. I'll give myself a deadline to prepare... maybe i'll change my mind later.
May I find meaning in Life and peace in Death
