Post something funny

[FTL.Wanderer]

A wonderful bird is the Pelican.
His beak can hold more than his belly can.
He can hold in his beak
Enough food for a week!
But I'll be darned if I know how the hellican.​

 

[chrijo]

 

[Johnnythefox]

 

[Johnnythefox]

 

[Cold]

 

[Johnnythefox]

 

[FTL.Wanderer]

View attachment 8995
View attachment 8996

I feel really, really guilty for having laughed so hard at these...

 

[Johnnythefox]

POPE JOKE:

A drunk man flops down on a subway seat next to a priest. The man's tie is stained, his face is smeared with red lipstick, and a half empty bottle of gin is sticking out of his coat pocket. He opens a newspaper and begins reading.

After a few minutes the guy turns to the priest and asks, "Say, Father, what causes arthritis?" The disgusted priest answers: "Loose living, wicked women, too much alcohol, and contempt for your fellow man."

"I'll be damned!" the drunk mutters, returning to his paper.

The priest, thinking about what he said, nudges the man and apologizes: "I'm very sorry; I didn't mean to be so harsh. How bad is your arthritis?"

"Oh, I don't have it," replies the man; "It says here that the Pope does."

 

[chrijo]

View attachment 9009

 

[FTL.Wanderer]

There once lived an honest, conscientious politician.​

 

[Zaynaldeen]

 

[TheGoodGuy]

 

[Psilo]

RIP Bud Spencer. I never get bored when watching those god ol'spaghetti westerns with both Bud and Terence.

 

[Johnnythefox]

Donald Trump asks "what would you do?"

 

[brighter]

 

[brighter]

View attachment F2CB468C-EA7B-4E55-96F1-3E59A4833DD5.MP4

 

[chrijo]

 

[brighter]

 

[FTL.Wanderer]

View attachment 9037

Replace the alcohol with sugary snacks and that's me. :)

 

[Johnnythefox]

I see no difference.

 

[Taylor]

Found a cure for back pain today,

N.

 

[brighter]

I see no difference.

That was pretty hypnotic actually.

 

[mattwitt]

 

[EmotionlessWanderer]

 

[brighter]

 

[Your Own Ghost]

Once I saw this guy on a bridge about to jump. I said, "Don't do it!"
He said, "Nobody loves me."
I said, "God loves you. Do you believe in God?"
He said, "Yes."
I said, "Are you a Christian or a Jew?"
He said, "A Christian."
I said, "Me, too! Protestant or Catholic?"
He said, "Protestant."
I said, "Me, too! What franchise?"
He said, "Baptist."
I said, "Me, too! Northern Baptist or Southern Baptist?"
He said, "Northern Baptist."
I said, "Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist or Northern Liberal Baptist?"
He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist."
I said, "Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region, or Northern Conservative Baptist Eastern Region?"
He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region."
I said, "Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1879, or Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1912?"
He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1912.
I said, "Die, heretic!" And I pushed him over.

~Emo Philips

 

[Johnnythefox]

 

[nanimonoka]

 

[brighter]

 

[Can'tStandAnymore]