Discussion People mourning after you ctb

[gurosi]

Have you ever wondered how might people react after you ctb? Like, imagining how people close to you, people who wronged you, or ones you held dear but are not close anymore would react? I'm curious about this. I know some people here are pretty pessimistic but I'm ideally asking for realistic answers. Feel free to go into details or use this as a vent thread.

For me I think my mom and girlfriend would be the most devastated. It's not easy for me to think about how other people might react so I try not to think about it if I'm not close enough to someone to know how they would react, or if we have a complicated relationship.

 

[witchcraft]

I think my parents would be devastated, my brother, and one friend of mine. That's it.

Part of the reason that I wonder about this question is because I've often thought of leaving a note about all the shit that made me CTB. Like my own personal version of the List of Grievances in the US Declaration of Independence (this reference is a bit esoteric, sorry). How I feel about my family, for instance... though 90% of the rest would just have to do with the world and circumstances that I cannot change nor live with. Also, I don't know if this is "pessimistic" or "realistic" but I get the sense that maybe a few other people would feel very sad or have the typical sort of regret about not reaching out to me or something, and I wish I could suddenly appear to them as an apparition and ask them: "why now? While you may not have been privy to the details or the fact that I was suicidal, the fact that I was seriously seriously struggling for several years, getting slowly worse, was not any kind of secret."

People you might not expect would feel sad. Just because, by default, a death is most often seen as a sad affair. Others might feel sad more for themselves than for me or anyone else. Outside of family or a few friends, most people wouldn't care. The last time my name gets uttered would be at some 50 year high school reunion, where I'm talked about like a fucking rumor in Skyrim. "Did you hear Witchcraft died? CTB they say. Well anyway."

 

[name2come]

I think my work colleagues will probably be shocked and saddened. I try not to present any symptoms in general, so I guess most people will be shocked, but I think I mask most fully at work, which is probably pretty obvious.

I think my parents will be really sad for me. My mom has picked up on how lonely I've been over the years, but I think they assume that's past. My siblings might be surprised, but I'm not even sure they will feel much beyond that. Like, they won't be happy and might know they should be sad, but I'm not sure how sad. I guess I'd feel the same for them. Sad, but it wouldn't impact me much.

My partner I expect to be devastated, and that does make me feel really bad, but I also know they've never really felt happy with me. I just confuse them. They resent me in ways they don't really hide well. I know they will enjoy their life without me a lot more than their life with me. Their family has suddenly started advocating for them to leave me, so I know they'll have plenty of support. I didn't realize they all hated me so much, but I guess it's a lot of how my partner feels but doesn't always want to admit. They value my love for them, but don't enjoy me as a person. Don't respect what's important to me. They don't feel like they deserve love, so even if they value my love, they also discount it but in doing so discount me. Their life is going to be a lot better after me. They will get through by being angry at me, throwing away all memory of me, erasing any impact on had on them. Everything in my life will end up in a dumpster and my memory will cursed. But I don't think it ever had a chance to be anything else at this point. In a cruel way, they will enjoy their life better with one less person loving them, so even if this hurts them, I know in the end they will feel better with the next phase of their life.

 

[LastDayOnEarth]

I think most people would be shocked but ive already left some hints to people stating that im ok with dying early

 

[TheEndIsPeace]

I have no friends or people that care for me except maybe my family, they'll probably be shocked and sad for a while then move on since they see me as a burden due to me being a NEET. I generally don't care about how they'll react. I've been slowly becoming more bitter and apathetic towards my family because of how toxic they are.

 

[deadpornstarr!]

[ disclaimer that i'm still very unsure about attempting to ctb . it's really up in the air and for now i'm just harming to relieve negative feelings and trying to detach from people as much as i can ]

one of the biggest fears turning me against ctb is that im living with a friend right now who i rather like , and i know for a fact that if i die in his custody , my "family" will come after him , blame him for it and ruin his life . its kind of sickening to think about for me . but maybe its just a bit of a character flaw ... that i have to be a people pleaser even in death ... but i just really could never do that to him

 

[Forever Sleep]

I do think about it and, it worries me. I feel like I simply can't do it to my Dad so- that's mostly why I'm still here.

Beyond that though, I find it hard to judge how people may react. I can imagine multiple reactions really- shock, sadness but then also- I imagine some could/ should have seen it coming. Maybe I'll be forgotten quite quickly- which would be better for those concerned.

I suppose the possibility that annoys me is people feeling that it was a selfish action. I've lived with ideation for 36 years. I've spent that time holding on so as not to upset loved ones. For it to be considered selfish still after all of that, really annoys me. Not that I would have to witness it of course.

 

[deadpornstarr!]

since they see me as a burden due to me being a NEET

god thats relatable . its absurd to me that they can treat people like that and expect them not to consider suicide . my "family" still tries to convince me that they love me the way a parent should love their kid . even after they treated me like i was worthless for not wanting a minimum wage soul-crusher job . people are just garbage . im sorry that you've experienced it too :( well wishes ,

 

[Dandelion's]

Have you ever wondered how might people react after you ctb? Like, imagining how people close to you, people who wronged you, or ones you held dear but are not close anymore would react? I'm curious about this. I know some people here are pretty pessimistic but I'm ideally asking for realistic answers. Feel free to go into details or use this as a vent thread.

For me I think my mom and girlfriend would be the most devastated. It's not easy for me to think about how other people might react so I try not to think about it if I'm not close enough to someone to know how they would react, or if we have a complicated relationship.

Eh doubt they would really care, I only have acquaintances that talk to me because they pity me. My mom and dad might be sad because I am their flesh and blood but not because they really care or like as a person, they see me as a failure. so yeah I don't have to worry about that. Hope it's different for you tho. <3

 

[Kokonoe]

there's no one left in my life to even care about my death in any way at all.

the most of a reaction my death would get is my dad being pissed off for "damaging his property" by dying in a house he owns.

other than that, complete indifference. i'm not even worth mourning for a second.

 

[starboy2k]

some people will be shocked
some people will have seen it coming
some people will cry crocodile tears

but they will all get the fuck over it and move on with their lives like they intend to do

 

[Adaephon]

I know it would ruin my wife's life and my parents would be devastated beyond recovery. They are already old and weary and I do not wish to inflict this pain upon them. That's the only thing preventing me from actually doing it. I don't care about anyone else, they would be just fine. A few would be (hypocritically) sad for a few days, at most.
I'm delaying it just so I don't inflict pain on my wife and parents.

 

[Shadows From Hell]

I think my work colleagues will probably be shocked and saddened. I try not to present any symptoms in general, so I guess most people will be shocked, but I think I mask most fully at work

This would be me as well, 100%.

 

[FuneralCry]

I don't see how it could matter as if one doesn't exist anymore they will be permanently unconscious and nothing in this terrible, torturous existence can concern them and we are all just going to cease existing anyway no matter what, all of this will just be gone and forgotten about which is all I hope for, this futile existence really is just waiting to die, the peace of non-existence will erase everything.

 

[darksouls]

I am isolated, I have no social contacts

 

[hurts2b]

I also try not to guess about it. I can guess but I can't really know.

And frankly I probably wouldn't like the answer either way. I'm not well connected. So there aren't many people here to think about. But still. If they grieve, I've hurt them. If they don't grieve, nobody fucking cares about me while I'm alive.

 

[Lamentice]

Not really.

I do often worry about what information will get left behind and exposed. I don't have secrets necessarily, I just don't appreciate vulnerability and don't enjoy the idea of people I never gave access to me while alive potentially having access to digital diaries, memories, and accounts after I die.

I am not gonna leave a note and would like to get rid of physical and digital records, it's not information anyone needs to have, rather it all die with me.

The invasiveness of investigation after death is a huge issue for me.

 

[buriedinmyhead]

I think about it a lot. I know my parents and grandma would be devastated. My IRL friend and two online friends would probably take it poorly. Everyone else? Would probably think "oh that's too bad" and move on. I feel like my dad would take it especially hard since I'm closer to him, and I do feel bad about that. It would probably break his heart to know I'm on a site like this, but it is what it is.

 

[gottacheckout]

I am isolated, I have no social contacts

Good morning darksouls

 

[darksouls]

Good morning darksouls

good morning

 

[Bishop]

I wouldn't care. I'm not doing it for them nor their reactions.

 

[Ashu]

I do think about it and, it worries me. I feel like I simply can't do it to my Dad so- that's mostly why I'm still here.

Beyond that though, I find it hard to judge how people may react. I can imagine multiple reactions really- shock, sadness but then also- I imagine some could/ should have seen it coming. Maybe I'll be forgotten quite quickly- which would be better for those concerned.

I suppose the possibility that annoys me is people feeling that it was a selfish action. I've lived with ideation for 36 years. I've spent that time holding on so as not to upset loved ones. For it to be considered selfish still after all of that, really annoys me. Not that I would have to witness it of course.

The irony is that calling a suicide selfish is itself selfish, obviously, but the normtards will never get this, having no concept of what we experience.

I don't see how it could matter as if one doesn't exist anymore they will be permanently unconscious and nothing in this terrible, torturous existence can concern them

But the world and its people do continue to exist after we die, and depending on what our lives are like, that might be worth thinking about.

 

[ZwartHartje]

The few who know me or have contact to me know my situation and that it's ultimately the only way I can ever be reunited with my murdered loved ones.
I don't have any human family or even really close friends, my two closest human friends live an ocean away and we've never met in person.
The only family I'm truly close with are non-human (nutrias), and most of them have been murdered which is the very reason I have only this one way to join them again.

 

[wannabeangel]

i'll try and make a list

parents (mom, dad, mom's bf who's been around since i was a baby)
will 100% be devastated which pains me, i know my mom would be the most broken from it, im sure my dad would be too but with my mom oh god... her bf, who sees me as a daughter after being there as i grew up. he's a strong man, not the emotional type, but i know his emotions are hidden behind blunt and seemingly rude statements, he lost one daughter (not from death but his abusive ex manipulating her child to say lies to get him to lose custody, but journals his daughter wrote exposed her mother's lies) and losing me would be like losing another. my bio dad? he will for sure be heartbroken, he would cry even more than when he did seeing me self harm. im scared my mom will fall into some hole of depression, she still struggles silently

my ex husband...
1000% devastated, as i promised him i would be safe and if i CTB i broke that promise. he told me he would be safe if i was safe. he's told me about wanting to CTB in the past, texted me after the divorce when he was struggling, tells me he's having bad thoughts. he owns his own handgun, guns in his state are super normalized to just carry around. im scared he will think its all his fault when it's not. he has such a soft heart, we both still love eachother, at least i think he still actually loves me even tho he said he cant love me romantically anymore which killed me inside, but i know he still actually cares about me despite my mistakes. if i die im scared he will follow in my footsteps, especially when it seems the divorce brought back both of our suicidal thoughts... he's texting me now about how he hates himself, i would have to reassure him it's not his fault, it was just a long time coming. i have a bad feeling he will follow in my foot steps, i might make a note to his parents as well both to thank them for being part of my life at all, and to please look after my love, make sure he's safe, maybe take away his gun just incase. i dont want him running after me, i want him safe and to move on, there's so much better than me out there

my brothers (my full and two half brothers)
god they would be heartbroken, especially my two littlest brothers, they struggle enough needing to have my terrible ex stepmom as their actual mother, and she's putting them through hell. my full brother is only a year younger than me, he has a hard time sharing his feelings due to autism, but i know he will cry. my two half brothers love me a lot too, they would be heartbroken

it kills me inside knowing it will hurt so many close to me, but i try to remind myself if there's no afterlife like i think of then i wouldn't be aware to feel guilt, i guess that's slight relief. but i still hate causing more pain, it makes me wish i was all alone so i can end it all in peace, but i know that's impossible unless i self sabotage to make everyone hate me, but then i feel there hate and pain while alive too, so i just cant win

 

[divinemistress87]

My parents will be devastated and maybe a few friends . But death is a part of life and they will still be able to function

 

[Enyan]

There's two people who'd definitely be affected.

One's my mom. Part of me feels pain that is almost unbearable when I think about my mom grieving my death, she IS my mother after all, and I've tried to be considerate of her all my life. But on the other hand... had it not been for her I would've never ended up in this position. I would've never become depressed, I would have never had to take antidepressants, I wouldn't have developed health anxiety (which in turn would've saved me from the miserable future of the chronic disability that became the reason I need to end my life).

Then there's my boyfriend. I know my boyfriend will be absolutely heartbroken, and I wish I could spare him the pain. To me, he's the most amazing person that ever existed, and I'd do anything to have the life that was stolen from us back. I think he'll eventually be able to move on, though. He'll find a happy, healthy partner who he'll hopefully be able to spend the rest of his life with. Thinking about it makes me so jealous, since I've always wanted to be the one he'll grow old with, but I guess fate just had other plans for us.

My online friends will get over my death fast, though, since I've never had a big presence in their lives (I was fairly shy and often overwhelmed), so that's good at least.