Passive suicidality is torture

[burninghill]

Every day I want to smash my head in and rip my hair out.

Why can't I be suicidal enough to actually do it? I'm living a life where every single day I'm looking for something to push me over the edge. Trust me, if I could do it now then I would. I have tried.

I've never described my life as torture but it's starting to feel that way, I wish I died back in November when I really wanted to. If God loves me then he will kill me and end all of this. I wasn't built for being alive.

 

[CatLvr]

I know exactly how you feel. It is in the back of my mind CONSTANTLY but I can't go now. (Long story I've told before.) If only my one if my serious attempts had worked. But now I'm just kinda stuck for now.

 

[Sammystink]

It's awful yeah...
Im way too scared to actually go through with it most of the time, and I spend so much time trying to find a plan that I won't some how fuck up, and I just spend every moment wishing I didn't exist it sucks...

I hope everything goes ok for you.

 

[guiltyparty]

it's very difficult to want something so bad but to feel stuck and powerless in a sense to achieving it.