rubyharv
Member
- Feb 6, 2025
- 20
I feel as if I've gone my entire life without ever feeling like there was a point to anything. I've felt that way for so long that even when I watch a video, a movie, or even a TikTok, I think to myself, What will this do for me? I am so far gone that I can't even enjoy the simple things in life. Even typing this now, I'm aware that the exact same words have been written before—yet now, a different person will read them rather than the last.
You would think that since I can't enjoy the pleasures of something made to make you laugh, I would seek out a hobby or human connection. But when you partake in either of those things, you will be perceived. And when you are perceived, it means nothing—because that person has the potential to judge you in their mind, even share that judgment with others. Even your own family. If they don't judge you, you'll be ignored, reduced to just another person they've met in their life. In two weeks, they'll forget you.
After coming to that conclusion, I feel at peace knowing that no one really cares about you. Even if they say they do, it's fake—they want something from you in their own selfish way. When a relative dies, after 20 years, it's very possible they'll have been completely forgotten once the people who knew them are gone.
I am ready for death, for I know I am not alive. There's no other image than sleeping forever. To me, nothing and no one can change how I feel.
You would think that since I can't enjoy the pleasures of something made to make you laugh, I would seek out a hobby or human connection. But when you partake in either of those things, you will be perceived. And when you are perceived, it means nothing—because that person has the potential to judge you in their mind, even share that judgment with others. Even your own family. If they don't judge you, you'll be ignored, reduced to just another person they've met in their life. In two weeks, they'll forget you.
After coming to that conclusion, I feel at peace knowing that no one really cares about you. Even if they say they do, it's fake—they want something from you in their own selfish way. When a relative dies, after 20 years, it's very possible they'll have been completely forgotten once the people who knew them are gone.
I am ready for death, for I know I am not alive. There's no other image than sleeping forever. To me, nothing and no one can change how I feel.
