Venting Over 2 years clean of self harm, relasped.

[Lamentice]

Without writing a small novel: my job has added responsibilities to my role that I can't manage, I've become so incapable of regulating even a sliver of added stress or emotion that the first shift with these new responsibilities sent me spiraling and I went home and self harmed to regulate. I am becoming unemployable, I've hopped between like 4 jobs in 8 months.

I've dedicated June to grief instead of celebration, since I am not proud of the "community" and have nothing to celebrate personally. I removed my pins at the beginning of the month and have made some comments about distancing myself, now I have noticed a few things that make me paranoid a coworker is gossping about it, honestly making themself another example of exactly why I've come to hate and resent the "community".

Guess I shouldn't be dissapointed that humans are just regular cruel humans everywhere, but I didn't think I'd come to a place of having genuine hatred and rage and hurt from a place I was told I'd belong, especially without a family when I was kicked out as a minor for being homosexual, but I fucking hate the community and am getting close to hating everyone actively in it too. I just don't wanna blab about it too much, but there is no community and they are nothing that they preach; "Welcoming, safe, accepting" whatever, they are not that,