Other than not being able to CTB, what is keeping you alive?

[BPD Barbie]

I have the means and the will, but @Jean4 keeps my ass in check

 

[mayflower]

My son.... Age 22.... Totally happy with my ctb decision for myself but v hard to reconcile it for him

 

[porfin1234]

Love for dance, nature, fam, friends
Enjoying small things. Kissing. Conversation with people. Connecting. Music.
So much to live for .. I just made my life so damn complicated and threw away pure gold so. I just want to throw in the towel.

And honest fear of dying..

 

[SugarbushMtn]

My son, that is all.

 

[Hiervsg]

My parents, it would kill them if I ctb.

 

[SugarbushMtn]

A tiny bit left of hope that life will get better.

 

[Shinbu]

Myself, and my brother's 15th birthday. I'm still waiting on the thing I need, and the right time to ctb.

 

[Ame]

Paradoxically, a recent episode of depression.

Being in a depressed state is draining, so I lack the energy to get everything in order for hopping on that bus and gently telling the driver to floor it. Not having the end in sight leaves me feeling even worse and further contributes to my fatigue. It's a vicious cycle really. I should take my medication again or at least see about getting a prescription for an antidepressant so that I can get enough of a "boost".

Of course, there is the omnipresent guilt of hurting my loved ones but I really cannot see a way to live. I don't want to continue being a weight on anyone.

 

[Soulstax]

This might be really silly and it will sound super self-absorved of me but it's the tiniest stupid things like wanting to see the next episode of a TV show or live to see a performance by a group I like or play some video games a bit more... Anyone experience anything like this? I feel a bit guilty because this just shows that I myself am not adding anything worthy to the world, I just want to enjoy what others are adding for me to possibly experience. I guess that's the difference between a healthy mind and mine, that they still have plans for themselves of things that they want to achieve.

I've felt this way, but then again you will have no more memory of any of these experiences once you're gone, neither will you have anymore desires.

 

[Aonewayticketplease]

I think I may be able to save the day.....still feel like the ship is sinking sometimes but want to give this my best shot.

 

[Oscar.in.the.closet]

I guess it's just the want for something more, like I want to read my favourite book just one more time or have a conversation with a friend. Just that little bit more with my cat- weird but i love him- or something like that. I don't want to go thinking or feeling like i have more to do or want, I want to go knowing that everything has been dealt with in some way, idk if that makes any sense...

 

[Nem]

Well, my dad is very sick and my roommate has told me they would be sad to see me go. Can't imagine continuing much longer though
Peace/hugs

 

[foreveryoung]

The fear that i might screw up, and end up with a failed attempt. thats all. If there was a pill i could take that guaranteed instant death i would have taken it already. Instead i have to plan everything carefully, and make sure nothing gets in the way . The forces that keep me alive is like the forces of gravity, they cant help but keep you here till the very end, that is simply their function, its programmed into them. Im just going to have to hack through it to get to the other side.

 

[LMLN]

My son.... Age 22.... Totally happy with my ctb decision for myself but v hard to reconcile it for him

I understand. My 20 year old son keeps me here.

 

[SHThrowAway213]

My husband.
He's my rock and very supportive towards me.
He's already said he would kill himself if I did it.

 

[Headingoutsoon]

For me the reasons I haven't are:

1) Having someone find my body that isn't expecting it -- That's just horrible for me to contemplate. But, it is easy enough to solve with a scheduled txt message or email to the police or hotel staff letting them know that there is a dead body in X room and it's from suicide.

2) Making family and my housemates go through and get rid of or donate all of my stuff. This would be a nightmare for them. It would take hours and hours and hours. I don't want to put them through unnecessary pain like that. I don't a car to get rid of stuff quickly either. Me gettting rid of stuff would be a slow process over probably a month. Which is plenty of time for housemates to figure out what is going on and to stop me. Maybe, idk.. I've talked about purging stuff several times in the past because they do know I have tons of stuff I never touch.

(As for the pain of me CTBing? None of them will be surprised, they all know I'm horribly chronically depressed. I'm also not close to any of them OR have any real friends so...... recovery for them will be fast. Also, I'm sure even like 50%+ people that know me will actually be happy for me that I'm no longer suffering.)


3)This is the big reason I have: Not being sure that whatever method I choose will be successful. Or that it will be long and painful.

 

[Polly]

Need to figure out a solution fir my cat.

Sorry messed up those quotes

 

[beatlegirl]

Time is the only thing keeping me here.

 

[JSauter]

The pain/agony of a non-Nembutal death