Venting Nothing is wrong with me but I can't keep living

[dontknow12301]

I don't understand at all how I have turned out this way. I have a loving family, an uneventful childhood, I got good grades and went to good schools and have never been bullied or shot down. But.
I have no personality. And everybody says that this is not possible, but it truly is. For my whole life, I have never been able to relate to other people, I have not been able to understand why they care about the things that they do. I have no interests, no sense of humor, no passions and no ambitions. I have been getting through life copying the people around me, I am very socially perceptive and I have been able to mirror the personalities of people who I like and somehow acquire friends, even a boyfriend. But I am totally empty inside. Nothing motivates me, nothing moves me. I have likes and dislikes, I guess. Certain things are cool and uncool to me. But I have nothing to say, nothing to contribute. Every conversation feels like pulling teeth. I am now 21 and I don't think I can go on any longer. I have been to therapy, been on medication for anxiety and depression and I am currently in a psych inpatient program but I don't see any way out of this. Everybody around me has formed identities and personalities and had experiences that I just cannot relate to. I don't think I will ever truly connect with people, ever truly understand and connect to the world around me. I don't think that it is worth living any longer
The only thing that brings me a shallow moment of hope some days is the idea that I can change my entire personality, find things interesting that I never have before, form a sense of humor and have experiences that enable me to relate to the rest of the world and feel like a real person. I have been seeing a psychiatrist and begging him for anything that can uproot me and change who I am but I think that it is simply not psychologically possible.
If only there was some answer to why I am this way, or some secret to starting a personality over. This is really just a vent. But if anyone knows the secret, send it my way.

 

[iwkmsssb]

i truly resonate with you. i feel like i've just been absorbing other people's personality to make my own, and when people aren't around i'm just empty. i have no one to perform for. for the longest time ive been trying to figure out who i am, i feel like everything i like is fake or shallow. everyone says im fun to be around but im just acting. im so tired of acting but i dont know what or who ill be without it.