Always 10, every second is torturous to be conscious and I just always suffer so much as a result of the dreadful, painful and deeply undesirable abomination of existence that just tortures existing beings all for the sake of it, existence to me will always be the most terrible mistake that just causes harm and suffering with no limit as to how much one can be tortured.
I just always suffer so much from being enslaved in this horrific, evil world where wanting permanent peace is a crime, to so tragically impose this existence and deny the option to painlessly cease existing even know this torturous, futile existence was never worth it to me in the first place will always be criminal to me. I just always suffer as a result of existing and I'll suffer until I'm at true eternal peace with all gone and forgotten, all I want is to be permanently unconscious with no more pain and no more suffering, I find it terrifying how a human can suffer in this horrific reality for decades longer tortured by this existence just to face the agony of old age, it's just all so terrible, to exist means to suffer and the suffering this existence causes is endless, for me only non-existence is positive, in this existence so evil that causes all this torture, harm and suffering I only see beauty in non-existence where finally I can be at peace.