Help Need help with almost dying

[tiredandlost]

The only reason I'm not killing myself right now is because my little autistic brother is very excited to see me soon. But my situation is extreme right now, too many details to write.
I need something that will almost kill me, I don't even mind if I end up dying but that's not my main goal as I want to see my brother one last time.
It is basically a cry for help or more like a "I told U"
I have no way to get out of my abusive situation and I also want revenge.
I hate how they don't think I'm capable of doing it. I desperately want to. But I can't get over the hurt I'll be giving my brother knowing I'm autistic too, how alone he's gonna be. I'll be spending my time deleting everything off my phone just incase it does work but I would like for it to not work or Like for it to be reversed so I can see their reactions and hopefully traumatise them back. Please don't judge me, I'm in a very desperate situation.

 

[willitpass]

I understand being desperate. I would strongly advise against attempting when you aren't truly looking to die. It is traumatizing to survive an attempt. It is horrible to have to handle your families reactions, especially the ones who were causing you the most pain. They're the ones most likely to lash out at you and make it about themselves. If you end up in the mental hospital, those places are hell on earth. I will never be the same person I was before I was a patient in there. You also run the risk of surviving with severe damage. Playing with death isn't worth it, even when it seems like there isn't any other option. There are other ways to get your point across that don't involve playing russian roulette with your health and wellbeing. I know you said you don't care if it kills you, but I'm telling you living through it is not a walk in the park b

 

[locked*n*loaded]

Setting aside any ethical concerns with doing this, the biggest issue you could face, mentioned by the other poster, is you could seriously cause damage to yourself, maybe so severe that you end up in some kind if vegetative state, maybe paralyzed, maybe without all your faculties.....but bad enough that you'd be unable to even try (again) to remove yourself from this new, hell-ish reality you find yourself in. I understand things are bad for you, but F around and, before you know it, things can get that much worse. You don't want that and no one here wants that for you.

 

[theboy]

I don't judge you and I haven't really seen that people here tend to judge others. Maybe you should wait a bit to see if things change with your brother.
why do you want revenge? against who?
pm if you want

 

[mehdone]

The aftermath of a failed attempt is brutal.
Beyond the potential physical and mental impacts on one's self- it will change how everyone in your life interacts with you, and not in a good way.
In my experience, people will walk on eggshells because they are afraid to set you off. Some will pull back, and some of those who do will do so permanently- I don't fault them for that, it is self preservation.

I absolutely support someone who, after giving it proper thought and consideration, makes the choice to ctb. We should all be able to choose that- I hate that we can't.

I'm not trying to attack you here, and I apologize if it feels that way- but your desire for a failed attempt, to me, sounds like manipulation.

It is sort of a slap in the face to those of who have at times honestly wanted to ctb, honestly attempted with the pure desire for death- and it feeds into societies desire to look at things like this as just a cry for help.

If one needs help- directly ask for it. Please don't stage a failed suicide.

I apologize if this sounds harsh, I have strong feelings about it.

 

[KillingPain267]

Any failed attempt, besides pain, could lead to you being monitored for years, preventing you to research a real attempt if you may desire that one day.

 

[tiredandlost]

Thank u everyone for the replies.
I realize now how bad of an idea that would have been, I took a seroquel and went to sleep instead. Idk what I should expect for the day but I'm atleast a bit more stable. I just feel like my two options right now are either feeding my Xanax addiction or suicide and I didn't wanna live a life while addicted to a drug I don't even like, but I guess it's the lesser of two evils.

The aftermath of a failed attempt is brutal.
Beyond the potential physical and mental impacts on one's self- it will change how everyone in your life interacts with you, and not in a good way.
In my experience, people will walk on eggshells because they are afraid to set you off. Some will pull back, and some of those who do will do so permanently- I don't fault them for that, it is self preservation.

I absolutely support someone who, after giving it proper thought and consideration, makes the choice to ctb. We should all be able to choose that- I hate that we can't.

I'm not trying to attack you here, and I apologize if it feels that way- but your desire for a failed attempt, to me, sounds like manipulation.

It is sort of a slap in the face to those of who have at times honestly wanted to ctb, honestly attempted with the pure desire for death- and it feeds into societies desire to look at things like this as just a cry for help.

If one needs help- directly ask for it. Please don't stage a failed suicide.

I apologize if this sounds harsh, I have strong feelings about it.

It is manipulation, or well it was intented to be. I have attempted before with no desire to fail, twice and it's the only time I got help which is why I wanted to do this.
I don't think manipulation is a bad thing to do to people who abuse me physically mentally and sexually.

 

[willitpass]

It is manipulation, or well it was interned to be. I have attempted before with no desire to fail, twice and it's the only time I got help which is why I wanted to do this.
I don't think manipulation is a bad thing to do to people who abuse me physically mentally and sexually.

As someone who grew up in an abusive household, I know you do what you have to to survive. And sometimes that includes hurting your abuser back. But trying to get revenge on your abuser usually only backfires. I know you're doing what you have to to make do, but feigning an attempt is not going to improve your situation. Putting your physical health in harms way in order to try and get back at people who haven't earned the right to your time isn't the solution. That's not putting yourself first. That's letting them win.

 

[Ash]

Thank u everyone for the replies.
I realize now how bad of an idea that would have been, I took a seroquel and went to sleep instead. Idk what I should expect for the day but I'm atleast a bit more stable. I just feel like my two options right now are either feeding my Xanax addiction or suicide and I didn't wanna live a life while addicted to a drug I don't even like, but I guess it's the lesser of two evils.

Whatever you decide, make it the best decision for yourself. I hope you have a peaceful day.