bunintherug
husk of a girl
- Jan 1, 2024
- 25
i was supposed to ctb 2 nights ago, but my roommates woke up 20 minutes before i was supposed to. they never wake up during the night like that, it was kind of freaky.
i ended up getting in an argument with one of my roommates (not unusual) so my partner came and picked me up and i spent the rest of the night and yesterday day and night at their apartment.
my birthday is in 10 days, and my partner's birthday is in 19 days. my system was "talking" today and decided i'm going to wait until after my partner's birthday to ctb, even if it's the day after. it was a compromise between actually trying to get better again and doing it as soon as i have the chance, with different opinions in-between. i don't want my partner to be mourning during their birthday, plus the birthdays gives me a chance to try shrooms, which isn't something i've gotten a chance to do, so i may as well do it before i ctb, as dumb as that might sound.
aside from that, i also know i'm not in the mental state to make a well thought out decision. i have borderline personality disorder and i'm going through someone who i really love leaving me, i'm at my worst of my bpd symptoms. but, even when i'm not at my worst, it's still awful, so i doubt my viewpoint will change with how much thinking i've done about it this time.
-av
i ended up getting in an argument with one of my roommates (not unusual) so my partner came and picked me up and i spent the rest of the night and yesterday day and night at their apartment.
my birthday is in 10 days, and my partner's birthday is in 19 days. my system was "talking" today and decided i'm going to wait until after my partner's birthday to ctb, even if it's the day after. it was a compromise between actually trying to get better again and doing it as soon as i have the chance, with different opinions in-between. i don't want my partner to be mourning during their birthday, plus the birthdays gives me a chance to try shrooms, which isn't something i've gotten a chance to do, so i may as well do it before i ctb, as dumb as that might sound.
aside from that, i also know i'm not in the mental state to make a well thought out decision. i have borderline personality disorder and i'm going through someone who i really love leaving me, i'm at my worst of my bpd symptoms. but, even when i'm not at my worst, it's still awful, so i doubt my viewpoint will change with how much thinking i've done about it this time.
-av
