"My sheep died"... (metaphor)

[Michelstaedter]

"What need for the shepherd when the wolves have all gone...My time on this world has come to an end".

Quote from my favorite game

 

[Michelstaedter]

When my last pet died, she was female. I dedicated this melody to her... "La sola" in Italian means "the only one".She represented very well what she was, because of the two offspring that were born, she survived, and of the 8 I had, she was the last...

She was also very lonely because I had to separate her, since the next litter was closer to the mother, so they attacked or excluded her...

She died in my arms. I haven't forgotten that day, even though more than a year has passed, and the feeling is still the same, because I feel alone, sad, and defeated. Life was sad for me, even worse without them, without her... I've tried to convince myself that there might be a way out and that I could go on living, but no, nothing motivates me. All I want is to die.

On conventional social media, they'll only feel sorry for my situation, but they won't understand the pain of being alive, because it's not about a worldly longing, it's the desire to die, to leave this world, to leave it forever, because I don't believe in, nor do I want to believe in, absurd reincarnations; it would be a cruel joke, and if it were true, I would die as many times as possible until the end of the universe or whatever...
Those were beautiful years being with those animals, they're gone now... There's no reason for me to continue in this world.