I feel frozen.

[Listenlow]

I am so close to the end and, the only thing left is to wait for my estate plan to be finalized. I have everything packed up and labeled so when I ctb it's easier on those who survive me. I have no interest in doing anything i just feel frozen like I'm just waiting. I have such a strong desire to just end it now. I can get up for a few hours to try and play games and do various drugs but I lose interest so quickly. The only thing I can do right now is lie in my bed. Once I'm in bed all I can think about is my ex and wanting to die. I still love her so much.

 

[JeyJeyOfJeypore]

Is that the same bed you both slept in before?

Might wanna change it if it is

 

[Listenlow]

Is that the same bed you both slept in before?

Might wanna change it if it is

We never lived together but she is the only partner who slept in it with me. I am not getting a new mattress with less tang a week to live.

 

[JeyJeyOfJeypore]

Yea i guess youre right

A mattress is just a mattress

It shouldnt matter

Im sleeping in the same one as my ex too

But processing this is harder for some than others.

Sometimes it even leads to self termination

So, wouldnt you agree that not surviving a lesson means that the lesson is pretty pointless?

 

[Listenlow]

Yea i guess youre right

A mattress is just a mattress

It shouldnt matter

Im sleeping in the same one as my ex too

But processing this is harder for some than others.

Sometimes it even leads to self termination

So, wouldnt you agree that not surviving a lesson means that the lesson is pretty pointless?

Yea, the only lesson I learned is that no matter how bad I wanted it love was not meant for me.

 

[JeyJeyOfJeypore]

Well... no

The lesson is supposed to be that a ved is just a bed

Sometimes ppl can learn and they become stronger

Sometimes ppl cant and they kill themselves

Some ppl are smart enough to get rid of the bed and anything that brings them to the killing point before its too late

Whatever happens though, its all good. At least you tried

 

[Listenlow]

Losing her was not the only thing that brought me to this point. I guarantee getting rid of the mattress would not have solved any of the other problems in my life. I don't believe in such superstitions.

 

[JeyJeyOfJeypore]

Well yea. I mentioned it cuz it was step 1

I think your fate is sealed if you dont believe in superstitutions though

Ppl believe in absurd things to stay alive, only untangling themselves and picking up the pieces later, all by themselves, alone

A hard price to pay. But a smol one compared to the rest of your life

 

[Listenlow]

I have nothing left to believe in. I am tired of picking up the pieces and starting over. I have done it too many times. Being so isolated is what brought me to this point.

 

[LosingFeathers]

What you write is painfully relatable. Heartache can be brutal and being alone and isolated can make someone lose their mind. How long ago did your relationship end?

Off topic, but I like your PFP. I have this as my desktop background, it's such a good album

 

[iwkmsssb]

ugh i'm not over my ex either, the memories torment me everyday and it's affecting my sleep. made me relapse so many times i've lost count

 

[Listenlow]

What you write is painfully relatable. Heartache can be brutal and being alone and isolated can make someone lose their mind. How long ago did your relationship end?

Off topic, but I like your PFP. I have this as my desktop background, it's such a good album

Thank you for saying that. My loneliness is what really drove me to this point. I always found a way through if I had someone there with me but, in the past year there I have spent more time alone than ever. I never thought it would be possible to find a prefect person but I did and losing them was my breaking point. She broke up with me at the start of November but we stayed friends till two months ago.

Good eye for the album cover. YWGWYW is one of my top Five favorite albums. There is no album that captures the feeling of complete desperation and the passion of trying again and again only for nothing to matter.

ugh i'm not over my ex either, the memories torment me everyday and it's affecting my sleep. made me relapse so many times i've lost count

I am sorry to hear about your relapse. I know the feeling I have been doing any drug I can get my hands on to try and distract myself.