DownwardSpiral
Member
- Jan 21, 2026
- 28
(TLDR: parents gaslighting and love-bombing me ruined my life when I trusted them. I am stuck living with them and am too unstable to help myself)
I never knew why my parents married each other, even as a kid. Their relationship is so off-putting and surface level. They say "I love you" and give each other kisses, but thats about the extent of the personal things they do for each other. They spend their time watching TV mindlessly like drones, only making the most basic commentary on what they see. They literally spend hours watching TV every day, it is all they do besides work. It's the saddest thing to realize this was my model for healthy relationships.
They said "I love you" to me every night with a big smile, but they rarely made me feel loved with their actions. They always made me do things that they wanted like go to shows, go on exotic vacations, team sports, but anytime that I expressed I didn't like those things, they labeled me as an ungrateful brat and forced me into it anyways. I missed out on doing lots of things in my childhood because of it, and it also caused me boatloads of shame and embarrassment trying to push my way through things I didn't like. I remember crying in front of my class multiple times in the advanced classes in school they pressured me to take because it was too much for me. Then in group therapy later on, they acted shocked when I expressed that I struggled in school and told me they had no idea. That makes no sense because I had tutors over at home as well that caused me to break down and cry in front of them.
It's essentially gaslighting and loveboming. They cross my boundaries over and over, but do things or buy me shit I didn't ask for that is really just a gift for themselves. They also frequently excuse their own behavior: "you know we love you right?" "parents are supposed to be annoying." They painted ME as the troubled one for so long. They put me in therapy and begged me to communicate more with them. But anytime I say anything negative that challenges their perception that we are a perfect happy family, they freak out on me.
The absolute hardest part is the betrayal I feel. I know in their own stupid ways they believe they genuinely love me. They have always made and effort to remind me they love me. They constantly tell me things like "you can tell us anything" "we want to help you" "we missed you so much," but the problem that I couldn't realize for so long is that they couldn't back up the things they said. Despite their nice words, they really suck at parenting, they have like zero emotional intelligence, and they act like children when things don't go exactly their way. They fucked me over in life so badly by making me trust them.
I was left alone at home so often that I was more so raised on TV and youtube than by them. I honestly feel like I am not a part of this family anymore and they are gaslighting me into being their kid. We are so different, and they are entirely incapable of giving me the emotional support I need. I am left with no friends, no money, no job, no school, and a drug addiction because I was such a mess, and now I have nowhere to stay but in their house. I feel trapped and I'm going crazy. I have been drinking and getting high at every opportunity because I can't feel comfortable in here with them otherwise.
This weekend they are leaving for a trip and leaving me alone with their needy dog (They are terrible neglectful dog owners). They told me about the trip once 2 months ago and never reminded me so I forgot until the night before. The dog is too loud and big and dangerous for me to handle. I'll have to walk him often but I hate going out and bumping into other dog owners. Its way too much stress but I never told them and now I'm fucked. I told my Dad I would have liked a reminder. He said "Oh Well" and if I watched the dog it would make him happy. I replied "you're happy? good for you" and he slammed the door in my face. So I guess nothings gonna change. Its so confusing how they plaster big smiles on their face like aliens, tell me they love me, act so happy to see me, but then when I show the slightest issue with them, they turn into crazy freaks. Then their apology is just back to "omg sorry, you know we love you so much right?" How am I supposed to get anywhere in life when my house, my only safe space, is not (emotionally) safe? I can't sustain a job or a class schedule or even a friendship like this.
I hate my parents even if I feel guilty too. They sentenced me to a lonely life. Im jealous of my friends who had parents that listened to them, big houses, cool stuff, lots of friends and family and cousins, and connections with money and business. My parents only have a shitty tiny house, almost no extended family, and pathetic income. They only ever splurged on travel because they love to travel, but I hated it. They put all their hopes of success on me but obviously it didn't work. I don't know how I'm ever supposed to escape from this and I don't see any point in trying so hard, struggling so much, just to get the most basic things that everyone else has. And I literally cannot handle my parents twisted gaslighting anymore, it's too confusing and too much. But at the same time, they are all I have in this world anymore, so I have to keep playing along. I'm like a pet or slave, not a human. I should CTB. It makes me too sad to see how they destroyed my life, I know this is recovery but recovery feels impossible. Sorry I didn't mean to write this much.
I never knew why my parents married each other, even as a kid. Their relationship is so off-putting and surface level. They say "I love you" and give each other kisses, but thats about the extent of the personal things they do for each other. They spend their time watching TV mindlessly like drones, only making the most basic commentary on what they see. They literally spend hours watching TV every day, it is all they do besides work. It's the saddest thing to realize this was my model for healthy relationships.
They said "I love you" to me every night with a big smile, but they rarely made me feel loved with their actions. They always made me do things that they wanted like go to shows, go on exotic vacations, team sports, but anytime that I expressed I didn't like those things, they labeled me as an ungrateful brat and forced me into it anyways. I missed out on doing lots of things in my childhood because of it, and it also caused me boatloads of shame and embarrassment trying to push my way through things I didn't like. I remember crying in front of my class multiple times in the advanced classes in school they pressured me to take because it was too much for me. Then in group therapy later on, they acted shocked when I expressed that I struggled in school and told me they had no idea. That makes no sense because I had tutors over at home as well that caused me to break down and cry in front of them.
It's essentially gaslighting and loveboming. They cross my boundaries over and over, but do things or buy me shit I didn't ask for that is really just a gift for themselves. They also frequently excuse their own behavior: "you know we love you right?" "parents are supposed to be annoying." They painted ME as the troubled one for so long. They put me in therapy and begged me to communicate more with them. But anytime I say anything negative that challenges their perception that we are a perfect happy family, they freak out on me.
The absolute hardest part is the betrayal I feel. I know in their own stupid ways they believe they genuinely love me. They have always made and effort to remind me they love me. They constantly tell me things like "you can tell us anything" "we want to help you" "we missed you so much," but the problem that I couldn't realize for so long is that they couldn't back up the things they said. Despite their nice words, they really suck at parenting, they have like zero emotional intelligence, and they act like children when things don't go exactly their way. They fucked me over in life so badly by making me trust them.
I was left alone at home so often that I was more so raised on TV and youtube than by them. I honestly feel like I am not a part of this family anymore and they are gaslighting me into being their kid. We are so different, and they are entirely incapable of giving me the emotional support I need. I am left with no friends, no money, no job, no school, and a drug addiction because I was such a mess, and now I have nowhere to stay but in their house. I feel trapped and I'm going crazy. I have been drinking and getting high at every opportunity because I can't feel comfortable in here with them otherwise.
This weekend they are leaving for a trip and leaving me alone with their needy dog (They are terrible neglectful dog owners). They told me about the trip once 2 months ago and never reminded me so I forgot until the night before. The dog is too loud and big and dangerous for me to handle. I'll have to walk him often but I hate going out and bumping into other dog owners. Its way too much stress but I never told them and now I'm fucked. I told my Dad I would have liked a reminder. He said "Oh Well" and if I watched the dog it would make him happy. I replied "you're happy? good for you" and he slammed the door in my face. So I guess nothings gonna change. Its so confusing how they plaster big smiles on their face like aliens, tell me they love me, act so happy to see me, but then when I show the slightest issue with them, they turn into crazy freaks. Then their apology is just back to "omg sorry, you know we love you so much right?" How am I supposed to get anywhere in life when my house, my only safe space, is not (emotionally) safe? I can't sustain a job or a class schedule or even a friendship like this.
I hate my parents even if I feel guilty too. They sentenced me to a lonely life. Im jealous of my friends who had parents that listened to them, big houses, cool stuff, lots of friends and family and cousins, and connections with money and business. My parents only have a shitty tiny house, almost no extended family, and pathetic income. They only ever splurged on travel because they love to travel, but I hated it. They put all their hopes of success on me but obviously it didn't work. I don't know how I'm ever supposed to escape from this and I don't see any point in trying so hard, struggling so much, just to get the most basic things that everyone else has. And I literally cannot handle my parents twisted gaslighting anymore, it's too confusing and too much. But at the same time, they are all I have in this world anymore, so I have to keep playing along. I'm like a pet or slave, not a human. I should CTB. It makes me too sad to see how they destroyed my life, I know this is recovery but recovery feels impossible. Sorry I didn't mean to write this much.
