NSFW My ocd is ruining everything i love

[nonliv]

I know this may sound stupid, but I genuenely don't know what to do. For the past year, I've liked this character from an anime. It doesn't matter the name, but he always brought me comfort, I even have a tattoo of him. But recently, I was ruminating again, and saw a post about a child sex offender that had pictures and everything. The offender was a woman with black hair and was philipino. For some reason, my ocd lached onto this and made me associate the character with the abuser. I've been feeling sick for the past few days, not wanting to eat food and having constant stomach issues. Will this ever go away? Why did I do this to myself? Everything was going fine, but I just had to go and google shit like I always do. And it's so stupid, but I dedicated so much time to this character, so much of my love, and now I feel like I can't like him anymore. I would have killed myself probably a while ago if not for my friend that I promised we would move in with eachother. I feel so stupid, I want my memories erased, I don't know what to do. I would be ok if I could just ignore these thoughts, but I can't get out of my bed and I have no apetite what so ever.

I know this may sound stupid, but I genuenely don't know what to do. For the past year, I've liked this character from an anime. It doesn't matter the name, but he always brought me comfort, I even have a tattoo of him. But recently, I was ruminating again, and saw a post about a child sex offender that had pictures and everything. The offender was a woman with black hair and was philipino. For some reason, my ocd lached onto this and made me associate the character with the abuser. I've been feeling sick for the past few days, not wanting to eat food and having constant stomach issues. Will this ever go away? Why did I do this to myself? Everything was going fine, but I just had to go and google shit like I always do. And it's so stupid, but I dedicated so much time to this character, so much of my love, and now I feel like I can't like him anymore. I would have killed myself probably a while ago if not for my friend that I promised we would move in with eachother. I feel so stupid, I want my memories erased, I don't know what to do. I would be ok if I could just ignore these thoughts, but I can't get out of my bed and I have no apetite what so ever.

For some reason becouse my ocd lached onto the fact that the anime character has black hair and is asian. I want someone to just tell me it's stupid, to forget about it

 

[bl33ding_heart]

You're not stupid. It's not your fault you have this disorder and have to go through things like that. Just try to keep reminding yourself that the certain fictional character is not associated with that horrible person at all. And even if they look alike, it means nothing. Just remember to remind yourself that your disorder is making you think this and it is not factual at all. Ocd is a very hard disorder to live with. I'm sorry you have to suffer so much due to it. I think cbt therapy could help you a lot. If you've never done it before please look into and consider it. I wish you all the best.

 

[nonliv]

You're not stupid. It's not your fault you have this disorder and have to go through things like that. Just try to keep reminding yourself that the certain fictional character is not associated with that horrible person at all. And even if they look alike, it means nothing. Just remember to remind yourself that your disorder is making you think this and it is not factual at all. Ocd is a very hard disorder to live with. I'm sorry you have to suffer so much due to it. I think cbt therapy could help you a lot. If you've never done it before please look into and consider it. I wish you all the best.

Thank you lots. The only similarities is that the person has black hair and is Asian, everything else is diferent, like them being female and not male and they don't have glasses. I'm looking for ocd therapists currently and I'm scheduled for an apointment on the 4th, I hope it goes well. Thank you again for being so kind ♡

 

[bl33ding_heart]

Thank you lots. The only similarities is that the person has black hair and is Asian, everything else is diferent, like them being female and not male and they don't have glasses. I'm looking for ocd therapists currently and I'm scheduled for an apointment on the 4th, I hope it goes well. Thank you again for being so kind ♡

That's great! I really hope the therapy benefits you and helps you cope with your disorder.