Story my life + waiting to ctb

[bpdbunnygirl]

I've been extremely suicidal since a very very young age. I've dealt with parental neglect, SA multiple times both as a child and adult, had unrestricted internet access as a teen so you can imagine what happened there. I've been in abusive relationships as well. basically my life is just trauma filled and being used for other people's s*xual pleasure.

right now though, my life is pretty okay except for how painful bpd is. my boyfriend is my fp (bpd term) and we've been together for a year which is much longer than I was thinking it would last. I also have pets. these 2 things are my only reason for living. i dont plan to ctb anytime soon, but I know that eventually that's how my life will end. I've always known I would end up ctb. honestly probably will after my boyfriend ends up leaving me and/or after my animals pass away. I don't have any friends and my family and I aren't too close.

I never thought I'd live past 15, yet here I am at almost 20 years old. I've tried to ctb multiple times throughout my life and have failed. I have no idea how I coped and managed to get through my childhood and teenage years... looking back, it was so terrible. I can only remember bits and pieces now but the things I do remember were so awful. lately I've been getting the urge to relapse back into sh.

 

[d3j3ct3dl0s3r05]

ik what it's like to be suicidal for basically your entire childhood/adolescence and it sucks and also just being treated as some sort of outlet for other people's angers, frustrations and desire. i'm just proud you've made it this far despite every challenge you're faced thus far