Venting my hopes and dreams

[derpcel]

I think there's something wrong with me. I have been struggling with my mental health all my life.
I do not feel like I am at my limit. I have made various attempts in my life, but they were just stupid impulsive actions, i never planned anything.
I do want to end it all, I have suffered enough, but I don't know yet.
I have a boyfriend, I love him and with him I want to get married and have a family. if I ever hurt myself I know it would hurt him even more.
My dream is being his wife, the mother of his kids and live my life as a writer, I want to live my passion.

I want to experience new things, but this feeling keeps coming back, I don't feel like I am insane or suicidal, I am lucid and writing this, thinking this with my brain, not only my heart.
I am aware I might still find happiness, I am aware I have found happiness, why do I still harm myself in every way possible? I don't want to hurt anybody anymore and it's stressing me out.

Perhaps on day I will be brave enough.

 

[dreamscape1111]

There's nothing wrong with anyone or anything in Reality, it's All Perfect.

More practically, here are some mental health essentials:

1. Meditation
2. Exercise (even taking walks)
3. Journaling for clarity
4. Healthy diet
5. Taking personality tests (16personalities.com, truity.com, astrologycafe.com, etc)
6. Following your passions (The Big Leap by Hendricks)

All the best, dear.
May all your hopes and dreams be exceeded!