mckk
Member
- Sep 15, 2023
- 7
I had a friend commit suicide a year ago. I've been suicidal for most my life (since 11 and now I'm 25).
He was the only one who understood me. He didn't tell me I was crazy for wanting to do drugs and die, he told me it made sense. My boyfriend and friend, on the other hand, disagree. Apparently they "care about me" and think I should stay alive.
But they have things I don't have. They have jobs, purpose. I don't have that. At all. My friend had a job but not purpose and I guess that allows him to empathize with me. We both were suffering together. He understood, and then he killed himself. I found out things about him that were terrible, after he died. And I kind of wrote him off. But now I'm realizing that at least he understood where I was coming from. And I can appreciate that.
Basically, I want to fully become an addict (I already am, but I'm keeping control of it) and die. The people still on my life don't support it. They don't understand how miserable I am. They think it's so easy to turn my life around. It's not. I have severe mental illness and I will always be this way.
They bet on a losing dog. And I don't know how to tell them.
I'm not sure how to end this post, or what I expect from it. I guess if I had to ask a question to someone reading it would be, "have you ever had friends that just don't get it? That say they do, but just don't understand what's really going through your head?"
Abyways I'm drunk and probably not coherent but thanks for listening.
He was the only one who understood me. He didn't tell me I was crazy for wanting to do drugs and die, he told me it made sense. My boyfriend and friend, on the other hand, disagree. Apparently they "care about me" and think I should stay alive.
But they have things I don't have. They have jobs, purpose. I don't have that. At all. My friend had a job but not purpose and I guess that allows him to empathize with me. We both were suffering together. He understood, and then he killed himself. I found out things about him that were terrible, after he died. And I kind of wrote him off. But now I'm realizing that at least he understood where I was coming from. And I can appreciate that.
Basically, I want to fully become an addict (I already am, but I'm keeping control of it) and die. The people still on my life don't support it. They don't understand how miserable I am. They think it's so easy to turn my life around. It's not. I have severe mental illness and I will always be this way.
They bet on a losing dog. And I don't know how to tell them.
I'm not sure how to end this post, or what I expect from it. I guess if I had to ask a question to someone reading it would be, "have you ever had friends that just don't get it? That say they do, but just don't understand what's really going through your head?"
Abyways I'm drunk and probably not coherent but thanks for listening.
