Reeincarnation
333
- Jun 4, 2026
- 3
I joined Sasu yesterday after my boyfriend broke up with me. This will be my little introduction.
Hi, I'm Nekro. I apologize beforehand for laying such massive text.
I feel like since my conception I haven't been able to catch a break. I was born an only child in a very poor third world country with a dysfunctional family, my parents divorced when I was very young, my dad is a terrible person and quite honestly it is hard to believe my mom decided to marry him, and have me...My dad shortly left to another country after the divorce. I stayed with my mom and it was moving constantly from place to place, eventually my mom also left.
I lived with my grandma for a year after that, it was hell. Her husband is also terrible and it was constant yelling on one another and death threats, throwing stuff at eachother. Then I lived with my mom for a year in Ecuador, it was also hell. I had no friends, the kids purposely excluded me, and my own teachers bullied me due to my nationality. After much consideration I decided to move with my dad to where I live now, I never wanted to live with him. But living in Ecuador was taking a big toll on my mental health.
I have been living with my dad for 6 years now, it feels like it has all been wasted. I have no real close friends in person, I can't work, I can't go to college due to legal reasons that are my dad's fault, because of his legal irresponsibility. I hate living with him and feel disappointment of the person he is, I know he will never change and he has made living with him ; another living hell. I had my first suicide attempt at 16.
Me and my boyfriend were together for about a year, I was initially unsure about dating him. Not because I didn't like him, but because I have BPD and I have had past experiences dating that were terrible, and left me in horrible state. He was very quick to want to be my boyfriend, but I insisted we took some time to get to know eachother fully, because even though I am very self-aware about my disorder and I am not nearly as reactive as other people with BPD are, I know what it means to date me. He told me everything I needed to hear to gain my trust, he insisted for months...I told him I was scared of getting hurt until I finally gave in because his consistency made me think that it was safe. Slowly he ended up showing his true colors and hurt me exactly in the same way my ex did, he became so apathetic towards my feelings in the end, he was very emotionally avoidant and would often try to guilt trip me and play the victim everytime I opened up about my feelings. Despite this I tried to be compassionate and try to understand that he might have problems like me, but he would apologize and never change his behaviour. Yesterday when I voiced how I was upset because I felt he didn't seem to care/ be supportive about my feelings; he told me that "He can't do this anymore" and that we should part ways. It's not the first time he do this when we have a discussion, he broke up with me a couple times and always wanted to escape when it was time to take accountability.
I don't understand why he insisted so much on wanting me at first, to convince me he was gonna be different, just to end up treating me like this...I have no strength to keep fighting so I just said "Okay, if that's what you want" even though I didn't want us to break up. I feel so betrayed and tired.
This is just the tip of the iceberg of everything that has gone wrong in the short 20 years of my life. If I decided to vent for everything I have gone through, this thread would be insanely long. I have never received stability, I yearn for it because I never had it from anyone. I don't know what it is to have a safe figure in my life, I feel like everyone has turned their back on me ever since I can remember. I feel so sad everyday, my dog is the only one keeping me from trying to commit again. I feel so guilty about leaving her because she needs me, but I feel suicidal all the time, now more than ever.
If you made it all the way here, thank you so much for taking the time to read. I hope to make new friends and help others make this painful life a bit worthwhile :')
Hi, I'm Nekro. I apologize beforehand for laying such massive text.
I feel like since my conception I haven't been able to catch a break. I was born an only child in a very poor third world country with a dysfunctional family, my parents divorced when I was very young, my dad is a terrible person and quite honestly it is hard to believe my mom decided to marry him, and have me...My dad shortly left to another country after the divorce. I stayed with my mom and it was moving constantly from place to place, eventually my mom also left.
I lived with my grandma for a year after that, it was hell. Her husband is also terrible and it was constant yelling on one another and death threats, throwing stuff at eachother. Then I lived with my mom for a year in Ecuador, it was also hell. I had no friends, the kids purposely excluded me, and my own teachers bullied me due to my nationality. After much consideration I decided to move with my dad to where I live now, I never wanted to live with him. But living in Ecuador was taking a big toll on my mental health.
I have been living with my dad for 6 years now, it feels like it has all been wasted. I have no real close friends in person, I can't work, I can't go to college due to legal reasons that are my dad's fault, because of his legal irresponsibility. I hate living with him and feel disappointment of the person he is, I know he will never change and he has made living with him ; another living hell. I had my first suicide attempt at 16.
Me and my boyfriend were together for about a year, I was initially unsure about dating him. Not because I didn't like him, but because I have BPD and I have had past experiences dating that were terrible, and left me in horrible state. He was very quick to want to be my boyfriend, but I insisted we took some time to get to know eachother fully, because even though I am very self-aware about my disorder and I am not nearly as reactive as other people with BPD are, I know what it means to date me. He told me everything I needed to hear to gain my trust, he insisted for months...I told him I was scared of getting hurt until I finally gave in because his consistency made me think that it was safe. Slowly he ended up showing his true colors and hurt me exactly in the same way my ex did, he became so apathetic towards my feelings in the end, he was very emotionally avoidant and would often try to guilt trip me and play the victim everytime I opened up about my feelings. Despite this I tried to be compassionate and try to understand that he might have problems like me, but he would apologize and never change his behaviour. Yesterday when I voiced how I was upset because I felt he didn't seem to care/ be supportive about my feelings; he told me that "He can't do this anymore" and that we should part ways. It's not the first time he do this when we have a discussion, he broke up with me a couple times and always wanted to escape when it was time to take accountability.
I don't understand why he insisted so much on wanting me at first, to convince me he was gonna be different, just to end up treating me like this...I have no strength to keep fighting so I just said "Okay, if that's what you want" even though I didn't want us to break up. I feel so betrayed and tired.
This is just the tip of the iceberg of everything that has gone wrong in the short 20 years of my life. If I decided to vent for everything I have gone through, this thread would be insanely long. I have never received stability, I yearn for it because I never had it from anyone. I don't know what it is to have a safe figure in my life, I feel like everyone has turned their back on me ever since I can remember. I feel so sad everyday, my dog is the only one keeping me from trying to commit again. I feel so guilty about leaving her because she needs me, but I feel suicidal all the time, now more than ever.
If you made it all the way here, thank you so much for taking the time to read. I hope to make new friends and help others make this painful life a bit worthwhile :')
