purebliss
Just be happy =)
- Mar 3, 2026
- 148
Part 1 - Life Story | Onion Link
Part 2 - Planning | Onion Link
Part 3 - Closure + DSL | Onion Link
Part 4 - Cover Blown | Onion Link
Jesus Christ, does it get worse by each passing second.
I really really loved those folks with my entire soul.
And it feels so soul crushing right now that I can never write or meet with them again.
I never felt such a tearing sensation in my chest.
I cried again now and I so very much wish they would have never found my account here.
I really wanted to be happy with them until the last second.
Meet, cuddle, talk, do things, whatever... But now it's all gone.
And that is exactly what I mean. Whenever anything good happens in my life something always comes along and completely destroys it.
I never have been and never will be able to become happy and I have accepted that.
This was just a great reminder again that only exiting can cure whatever is wrong with my brain.
---
From their perspective it probably looks like I betrayed them. Showing that mask I wear every day to them and not my true self.
But what should I have done? What could I have done? Should I sit there and talk all day how broken and destroyed I am?
Should I have told them that I wake up every morning with the only wish to perish and not be alive for the day.
Should I say what is truly in my head? All the morbid, all the weird that is going on in my brain.
Should I have made it clear that I am incapable of living alone, of being me alone, and that only being a slave to someone or getting physical pain from someone can empty my broken brain? That this would have been the only way out "alive" for me?
What should I have done.
I don't even know anymore.
Maybe I should have played with open cards from the beginning. But what good does it do?
This situation yesterday proved yet again that they would have never been ready for this.
Never been ready for what I truly am.
Maybe this would have prevented us from becoming friends altogether and spared them whatever pain they are feeling right now.
I am sorry that you guys had to meet me
I am sorry for ever appearing in your life
I always have been and always will be a failure.
I wish you all a good life and hope that you manage to quickly forget me.
Part 2 - Planning | Onion Link
Part 3 - Closure + DSL | Onion Link
Part 4 - Cover Blown | Onion Link
Jesus Christ, does it get worse by each passing second.
I really really loved those folks with my entire soul.
And it feels so soul crushing right now that I can never write or meet with them again.
I never felt such a tearing sensation in my chest.
I cried again now and I so very much wish they would have never found my account here.
I really wanted to be happy with them until the last second.
Meet, cuddle, talk, do things, whatever... But now it's all gone.
And that is exactly what I mean. Whenever anything good happens in my life something always comes along and completely destroys it.
I never have been and never will be able to become happy and I have accepted that.
This was just a great reminder again that only exiting can cure whatever is wrong with my brain.
---
From their perspective it probably looks like I betrayed them. Showing that mask I wear every day to them and not my true self.
But what should I have done? What could I have done? Should I sit there and talk all day how broken and destroyed I am?
Should I have told them that I wake up every morning with the only wish to perish and not be alive for the day.
Should I say what is truly in my head? All the morbid, all the weird that is going on in my brain.
Should I have made it clear that I am incapable of living alone, of being me alone, and that only being a slave to someone or getting physical pain from someone can empty my broken brain? That this would have been the only way out "alive" for me?
What should I have done.
I don't even know anymore.
Maybe I should have played with open cards from the beginning. But what good does it do?
This situation yesterday proved yet again that they would have never been ready for this.
Never been ready for what I truly am.
Maybe this would have prevented us from becoming friends altogether and spared them whatever pain they are feeling right now.
I am sorry that you guys had to meet me
I am sorry for ever appearing in your life
I always have been and always will be a failure.
I wish you all a good life and hope that you manage to quickly forget me.
