Venting losing all real friendships I had

[dogtownresident]

maybe I jsut have rejection sensitivity disorder, but it seems like friends have been getting distant, ignoring my messages or taking longer to reply, people silently judging me, even my closest of friends slowly cutting me off. life is tough and I now officially have no one to talk about it to again .

I reach out to people to ask what I did... no response. I try to understand why things end by asking, nobody wants to give a reponse, perhaps they never valued my input in the first place.

if i had just one person in my life to honestly talk about tihng s with life would be so much better

if my death by suicide should be logical , then doing it at a time where no one would care anyway seems like a good idea

but here i am

 

[notreallybored]

ב''ה, the 'disorder' was made up by the amphetamine community based on a building they pass on the way to Burning Man.

Prior to all that, that was how human emotion generally functioned, hence all the poetry and shit, and the idea the pharmaceutical technology can replace or disrupt it for the economic convenience of the manufacturers is relatively new.

It is, of course, a cloying pitch for the drugs because like other forms of pain, it kinda sucks, but being tweaked on the whole system that's utterly often intentionally/comedically dysfunctional is also absurd, just numbs the cognitive and emotional pain enough for some, and allows generally those profiting from pharma to promote the idea that constant rejection is some form of 'exercise' as if hypertrophy of those neurons if that was actually a thing and not a goofy tweaking game prank to fall for would be any better than same of the cardiac muscle.

Now, if there's any such thing as 'improvement' the question of what's maladaptive could almost exist, except the now at least half automated rejection for the lack of actual jobs anyone wants to pay a stranger and not some kind of friend with benefits for (not necessarily in the lascivious sense but just in the sense of all various tribalisms), but don't pretend the RSD thing isn't a joke from those who got high on sociopathy for a bit.

Meanwhile though .. social interaction sure is as you've described for so many reasons, and particularly that Brave New World don't attempt tolerance or negotiation just mill around possibly sneezing COVID or STDs until you find the exact right people.. that's a certain kind of West Coast fantasy that a surprising chunk of the world fell for.