Motivation to ctb

[magicdeathbutton]

I am completely ruined. I used to have such a full life, a lovely relationship, great friends. I didn't really function well or have many hobbies or do much but I was pretty happy or at least just kind of normal and it was so nice, and then I kind of had a psychotic episode and now I am completely beyond all redemption. I lost all my friends, I have no interests or hobbies whatsoever because I don't see the point. Everything I do I fail at it straight away I'm completely hopeless and so apathetic that even I can't bring myself to ctb even though I know I have so many reasons to; no friends, no life, too useless to work, no money, everyone leaving me behind, lost literally everything. I just don't care what happens to me. I know I'll probably end up living at home with my parents until they pass and then I won't know what to do. I can't do any adult tasks. I don't know anything. I can barely even clean up after myself. I don't know why I can't bring myself to find a good method, I mean tbh the only one I really have access to is hanging but I know I'll pussy out. I've tried to do it with a dressing gown string and it hurts so bad, I lasted literally one second. I need to do it though so that everyone remembers me as a tortured soul who was pushed to suicide rather than someone who faded away into nothingness and becomes forgotten and then eventually homeless becuase I couldn't cope

 

[nonliv]

It seems like you're having a bad episode and I can assure you it will pass. You're not a failure for anything. I've been in the same place, I think we all have here, where we think were useless. Things will change for the better. Depression or having problems doesn't mean you are useless, just staying alive is enough for your parents im sure of that, that's what I know from my own mother. I really wish you the best. I've lost all my friends before, but I've found new ones, better people who understand me much more then the people that left me at my lowest