Venting I’d rather kill myself than seek help

[stepanch1k]

Maybe I'm autistic or smth, but I can't imagine myself ever showing weaknesses to those around me, I'll just be pointed and laughed at and they'll just think I'm mentally ill or smth, I'd just lose a lot of my social status. This is the only place where I feel safe talking about my problems and misery because it's anonymous and there's a sense of community/belonging here. Even after just reading some guy welcoming me to the forum made me so fucking happy. Anyways I'm too much of a pussy to show weakness to my "friends" because I don't really have real friends, and I'm sure they'd betray me the moment an opportunity comes.

 

[Tomorrow Is Today]

I'm sorry that it's difficult to show weakness to those around you, and I can relate to that in a way. I feel it's natural to want to keep up appearances and seem alright because that's how society favours us to be. I'm glad this place makes you feel more safer and seen and I could say the same for myself too. Have been lurking here for a long time and I appreciate that there's so many people here that 'get it' and aren't trying to fix you.

 

[stepanch1k]

Maybe I'm autistic or smth, but I can't imagine myself ever showing weaknesses to those around me, I'll just be pointed and laughed at and they'll just think I'm mentally ill or smth, I'd just lose a lot of my social status. This is the only place where I feel safe talking about my problems and misery because it's anonymous and there's a sense of community/belonging here. Even after just reading some guy welcoming me to the forum made me so fucking happy. Anyways I'm too much of a pussy to show weakness to my "friends" because I don't really have real friends, and I'm sure they'd betray me the moment an opportunity comes.

Im also just severely paranoid, I showed weakness to a very long distance friend since he isn't strongly connected to any other circles in which I'm in and let's just say my mental state didn't change much, except for now my back is exposed and he could easily take advantage of that at any time.
Like being exposed for having mental issues is a death sentence for your social status, people will forever look at you like you're some crazy mentally person who should be put into an insane asylum, especially if you hid it well and didn't show face.

 

[supremacyofdeath]

you seem like a very anxious and paranoid individual. I see a lot of your posts, I don't mean this in a rude way but I think you kind of are stuck in some kind of mental bubble which is heavily distorting reality vs overthinking/paranoid thoughts

 

[stepanch1k]

you seem like a very anxious and paranoid individual. I see a lot of your posts, I don't mean this in a rude way but I think you kind of are stuck in some kind of mental bubble which is heavily distorting reality vs overthinking/paranoid thoughts

You're probably right, I do feel extremely paranoid lately

 

[supremacyofdeath]

You're probably right, I do feel extremely paranoid lately

It's alright man, I do like reading your posts even though I don't always comment and such. I also struggle with paranoia and horribly anxious thoughts. I can hardly go out anymore the anxiety is so shit.

 

[hopefullysoon]

Somehow I understand you, because some people really will look different at you, when you are showing that you need some help with mental health. But I can assure, then those are not real friends.

 

[uklad38]

A lot of people aren't really supportive or friends, when you're going through a tough time. I told a friend of mine I was in a bad place and they've barely spoke to me since.

Anxiousness and paranoia are awful.

There's a lot more support there than in real life it seems

 

[whywhywhy]

Maybe I'm autistic or smth, but I can't imagine myself ever showing weaknesses to those around me, I'll just be pointed and laughed at and they'll just think I'm mentally ill or smth, I'd just lose a lot of my social status. This is the only place where I feel safe talking about my problems and misery because it's anonymous and there's a sense of community/belonging here. Even after just reading some guy welcoming me to the forum made me so fucking happy. Anyways I'm too much of a pussy to show weakness to my "friends" because I don't really have real friends, and I'm sure they'd betray me the moment an opportunity comes.

I think it's pretty normal. The only people I've felt I could share more is people I got to know later in life. You'd rather not tell because you realize its very probable they wont understand it. Its hard to find someone that truly understands you unless they have gone through a similar pain or that they care about similar things. Another point that made me struggle is because I cared too much about what others thought of me. Like what if they find it cringe just say what you want to say and be proud of it.

I also think a lot fewer people have real friendships than it seems. Most friendships are somewhat transactional. People spend time together because they enjoy how the other person makes them feel, not necessarily because they're thinking about what's best for their friend. Movies, social media, and TV shows make friendship look deeper and more common than it actually is. And honestly, I'm not exempt from that either. Most of my friendships ended because I didn't make much effort to stay in touch or check on people. So I can't really complain when I get the same treatment back.