babylxlah
New Member
- Feb 6, 2026
- 1
i feel so much despair.
i have a psychiatric condition which has so far destroyed my life. my brain is in constant tatters, my self image is unhinged and delusional, i am at an all time low, constantly hurting and spiraling and what hurts most is that my condition is treatable but i've already done so much damage the idea of starting again hurts.
im married to an amazing man, who i've destroyed. my trauma and pain eats at him like a parasite but he's the only one i love and all i ever want but all my issues have just shaped him into someone who could never love me normally ever again. he will always know and remember me as the insane me. the worst me.
it could take years and years to get better, but the damage is already done. i am pathetic. i've ruined this man's life and i've traumatized him so deeply just trying to deal with my own trauma.
all i want now is for it to stop. i can't expect anything from the people around me no one deserves to be hurt just by getting in radius of me. i am so alone. i don't even want to die I just want it to stop.
i just want to be erased from the earth.
but a smudge.
i have a psychiatric condition which has so far destroyed my life. my brain is in constant tatters, my self image is unhinged and delusional, i am at an all time low, constantly hurting and spiraling and what hurts most is that my condition is treatable but i've already done so much damage the idea of starting again hurts.
im married to an amazing man, who i've destroyed. my trauma and pain eats at him like a parasite but he's the only one i love and all i ever want but all my issues have just shaped him into someone who could never love me normally ever again. he will always know and remember me as the insane me. the worst me.
it could take years and years to get better, but the damage is already done. i am pathetic. i've ruined this man's life and i've traumatized him so deeply just trying to deal with my own trauma.
all i want now is for it to stop. i can't expect anything from the people around me no one deserves to be hurt just by getting in radius of me. i am so alone. i don't even want to die I just want it to stop.
i just want to be erased from the earth.
but a smudge.
