Lying about your depression is the only way to receive love. (my experience)

[embrace_release]

I'm not the most mentally and emotionally stable right now (but who here is) as I got dumped by yet another person who said they needed time to focus on themselves cause both them and me are having issues. The classic "it's not you (it's you, I just don't wanna hurt you)". Everyone who heard these words knows the pain that follows afterwards when you found out that, in fact, it really was you.

In every single experience I had, the point where your worth for your partner drops is when they find out about your mental struggles. Every. Single. Time. Depression makes you, at least in my experience, unloveable. Once they realize your whole human part of you is burnt to a crisp they not gonna bother with you anymore.

My genuine hopelessness literally makes me lesser than human. I'm an object, worth it's flesh but nothing more to my romantic partners. It hurts so godamn much to realize that, I can't lie. After my 3rd time experiencing this it's genuine hell to live through this

I'll use this lesson to hopefully overcome my passiveness and start getting my stuff I need to leave sooner or later. God it's all too much, everytime something lifts my out of my numbness it drops me into this hell of emotional abyss. My fucking god I can't can't can't fucking do this anymore please I just don#T wannae hurt anymmore fuck