Lost as what to do

[Jadotine]

I am so lost as to what to do right now... I was supposed to CTB end of February but I didn't because my friend convinced me to try medical care for at least the last time before committing, so that's what I've done.

I'm currently in the hospital right now and I don't know if I should tell how suicidal I really feel (makes a much longer stay) or just lie through it to get out as soon as possible and CTB...

The hospital stay isn't so bad, the staff are friendly and i don't need to take care of things like laundry, taking out trash or even look presentable.

But I do not see any future or hope whenever I get out.
My mind is saying that this situation is comfy enough to survive but my heart is telling me to die

I haven't been active as often as I did on the past but I see lots of people either no longer active or that CTB'd and I often think I'm a fraud for not committing fully and being scared of death itself

Should I try to recover once more or should I try to get to get out asap to CTB ? Because I just despair whenever I am looking at my future which i try to do not as often...

 

[fishperson]

I mean if there is still hope and if u still have the energy to try , why not. U are not losing anything.
I think it's when u dont have it in you to try, thats when its over