thaelyana
One day, I am gonna grow wings
- Jun 28, 2025
- 224
Hello. Since joining this site (it will be almost a year on June 28th), I realize that I've lost a tremendous amount of empathy. I no longer feel sorrow for those who suffer, and the farewells don't reach me anymore. I used to get a knot in my stomach the moment I opened a thread; I would subconsciously pray for the person to pull through. Today, I read through these threads as if it were all perfectly normal. I don't hurt anymore, I feel no more grief. Nothing at all.
While trying to reconnect with my feelings, my body, and that lost empathy, I stumbled upon the site "My Death Space" (which some of you probably know). And there, I felt that intense, familiar unease again. Discovering the causes of these deaths, seeing the photos of these young people while they were alive... it gave me genuine nausea. I rediscovered what I had stopped feeling here over the past few months.
The worst part is knowing that this knot in my stomach will eventually fade away again. And I dread ending up back on gore sites to feed this need to feel the pain, just like I used to do a few years ago.
Do you know what the final stage of all this is? Only feeling an emotion when actually going through with it. So I try to control myself, to climb the steps little by little. To keep a bit of death and life inside me.
I tell myself I can't be the only one in this situation. I like our forum, but it just doesn't touch me anymore. It has ended up completely channeling, or even anesthetizing, my emotions.
I suppose it's a side effect.
Stay strong, everyone.
While trying to reconnect with my feelings, my body, and that lost empathy, I stumbled upon the site "My Death Space" (which some of you probably know). And there, I felt that intense, familiar unease again. Discovering the causes of these deaths, seeing the photos of these young people while they were alive... it gave me genuine nausea. I rediscovered what I had stopped feeling here over the past few months.
The worst part is knowing that this knot in my stomach will eventually fade away again. And I dread ending up back on gore sites to feed this need to feel the pain, just like I used to do a few years ago.
Do you know what the final stage of all this is? Only feeling an emotion when actually going through with it. So I try to control myself, to climb the steps little by little. To keep a bit of death and life inside me.
I tell myself I can't be the only one in this situation. I like our forum, but it just doesn't touch me anymore. It has ended up completely channeling, or even anesthetizing, my emotions.
I suppose it's a side effect.
Stay strong, everyone.
