let's put the rat back in rationality

[Ryandrd]

I started to suffer from depression lately, I realized that I'm forcing myself to desire and pursue fake goals which were already determined by society, I nearly have no motives to do work and enjoy anything, even my feelings to the only girl I loved started to weaken lately, literally, she is the only thing that I enjoyed and found meaning at in my life probably because she died more than a decade ago, also I had learned about neo reactionaries like Nick Land and environmental radicals like Ted Kaczynski and Charles Manson, I thought about suicide, but I also wanted to take some people with me by commiting a terrorist attack probably because I had been believed in accelerationism, but thanks to Nick Land, I realized that any forms of terrorist or disruption are irrational, and they only slow down the inevitable demise of technological system and humanity so, I tried individually to find out what I want from contemporary life by combining the ideologies of the previous people who I already mentioned "and also some other philosophies" that led to emerge of my personal misanthropy belief, I want all people dead cause I love them all I don't want them to lose themselves in a rats artificial simulation which had been determined by fucking technology. our intelligent is mistake which had been giving to us by evolution, evolution that did not consider the long term effect, I will find my way out from alienated reality and if other people choose to live in this type of reality and waiting for death in their pathetic beds, that's fine because it not me, and if there is afterlife I will be happily burn for eternity with people I had loved , Susan Atkins , Charles Manson and Ted Kaczynski and probably Nick. I want to join this site to find a way to suicide "I tried to stab myself but it did not work, currently I'm thinking about exit bag", and discover other people mentalities, they could change my mind but I doubt it, I know my story sounds weird because my suicide decision stemmed from rationality not only emotions, and only a "counter" ideology can change my mind.