Venting I can’t do it to my brother

[DeathKitty]

It's a gift and a curse. Having a younger brother. We're not super close but I'd consider him my best friend in a sense. We only talk about goofy stuff, sometimes something serious but he always finds some way to make me laugh - either at him or with him.

I can't even write this without crying. I can't stand the thought of him having to loose me. Of me leaving him. Of him having to be without a sister he's had all his life. It's so cruel. So so cruel. To both of us. All I want is to die. I don't want to live, I don't want to do anything but I can't give up when I have him. I love him so dearly. I want to see him grow up, see him start a life for his own. But I also just want to die. It's an endless loop and I'm drowning in all of my emotions.

I feel like everyone else would be able to recover from me dying even if it'll probably always linger. My friends have each other, my boyfriend could move on, my parents have another kid, but he only has one sister. How could I leave him? Idk anymore. I just wish I die in some kind of accident, at least that would be better than knowing I took my own life. Easier on his soul maybe.

 

[MyMomWasMyLife]

These are all good things to think about for a young person wanted to end their life. It's a very positive sign that you're stronger than you think. Lots of people that apparently love you and you love them. When you're so young, there really is lots of time for things to get better, and I hope things do for you. Your brother is lucky to have you.

 

[mars2027]

You're a great sister.

 

[DeathKitty]

These are all good things to think about for a young person wanted to end their life. It's a very positive sign that you're stronger than you think. Lots of people that apparently love you and you love them. When you're so young, there really is lots of time for things to get better, and I hope things do for you. Your brother is lucky to have you.

It's easier said than done unfortunately, getting better I mean, but I appreciate the sentiment<3

 

[MyMomWasMyLife]

It's easier said than done unfortunately, getting better I mean, but I appreciate the sentiment<3

I completely understand. But don't you underestimate yourself. You are absolutely stronger than you think!

 

[suimaxxer]

my sister doesnt seem to really care about me, but im still worried my death will fuck her up

 

[auti]

I have three brothers but the youngest one I'm closest with and he will be 13 in a few weeks. I hate to do it to him.

 

[rest2love]

My older brother just died by suicide and he was the closest family member I had...

 

[engineered_failure]

as a younger brother to an older sister, i have the same thoughts. i love her so much but i cant keep going on for long. i know suicide is the worst thing i can possibly do because instead of hurting this evil world we live in, it hurts the only few caring and loving people i have in it. im just constantly battling between this "worst" thing and the "second worst" thing (continuing to live). you remind me of my sister, i think she's my best friend too. hope things get better for you, regardless of how impossible that may seem

 

[wine is fine but]

i want to see him grow up, see him start a life for his own. But I also just want to die. It's an endless loop and I'm drowning in all of my emotions

hopefully you are still here

you can see him grow up and still die later on

at your age, your emotions are so much more intense than they will be at 30. please believe that. i have been on an endless loop for over 50 years. it gets easier as your emotions become less intense. you can still do both the things you want, but then you would need to be patient for one of them. no one will move on. they will be on their own endless loop, so perhaps seeing your brother grow up is a good idea

good luck with whatever you choose

 

[plast1c_sk1n]

It's a gift and a curse. Having a younger brother. We're not super close but I'd consider him my best friend in a sense. We only talk about goofy stuff, sometimes something serious but he always finds some way to make me laugh - either at him or with him.

I can't even write this without crying. I can't stand the thought of him having to loose me. Of me leaving him. Of him having to be without a sister he's had all his life. It's so cruel. So so cruel. To both of us. All I want is to die. I don't want to live, I don't want to do anything but I can't give up when I have him. I love him so dearly. I want to see him grow up, see him start a life for his own. But I also just want to die. It's an endless loop and I'm drowning in all of my emotions.

I feel like everyone else would be able to recover from me dying even if it'll probably always linger. My friends have each other, my boyfriend could move on, my parents have another kid, but he only has one sister. How could I leave him? Idk anymore. I just wish I die in some kind of accident, at least that would be better than knowing I took my own life. Easier on his soul maybe.

I feel you 100%. I'm a younger brother with an older sister. She might not really know it but she's the reason I'm still here. Sometimes I hate how lucky I am to have a sister like her. Truly a blessing and a curse. Because it makes leaving impossible.
Every day I want to die. I feel horrible thinking about having to live for another 50 years or so, I can't stand it. I just want to die. I'm not built for this world. But I can't. I can't leave her alone. She only has 1 brother.
I also wish I could just die of a freak accident or some sort of terminal illness. Something that would let me say goodbye to everyone & lessen their pain as much as I could before I get to die in peace. Something that wouldn't leave my family blaming themselves.
I wish you and your brother the best. Hopefully we can find peace in some way or another.