LonelyKitten
Seeking one final escape
- Aug 13, 2023
- 284
My time is coming closer. Regardless of how I feel, or SI makes me believe I feel, I will run out of my medication in almost exactly 1 month from now.
Sep 25th should be the final dosage I have left. Can't obtain more of it in this country, despite my efforts.
Since my bday also happens to be in September, kinda considering doing it then.
By then, I'll have tried my currently planned miracle attempt to return home. (I can get my medication there)
And it'll be the 25th bday - quarter of a century. In the exact year that had I stayed home, I would have been eligible to apply for citizenship in my adopted country by now...
Poetic justice and all that.
Anyhow. I was thinking to take all my favorite stuff with me and die with it together. If I die alone, I might as well die comfortable.
Take one final adventure, travel together. I'm eyeing a high cliff that meets the sea. Either die on impact, or drown for sure with all that weight.
Love music, so I could listen to really nice songs as I trek to the cliff and gear myself ready to jump.
I know I'm a coward, but this is something that is irreversible once the leap is taken.
The illusion of comfort should make it less lonely. And I love the sea. So broad, so vast - it symbolizes the freedom I always sought.
I'm a super emotional person, so I just need to delude myself enough for one moment, so that I can jump once. Then it's over. Bam.
Sep 25th should be the final dosage I have left. Can't obtain more of it in this country, despite my efforts.
Since my bday also happens to be in September, kinda considering doing it then.
By then, I'll have tried my currently planned miracle attempt to return home. (I can get my medication there)
And it'll be the 25th bday - quarter of a century. In the exact year that had I stayed home, I would have been eligible to apply for citizenship in my adopted country by now...
Poetic justice and all that.
Anyhow. I was thinking to take all my favorite stuff with me and die with it together. If I die alone, I might as well die comfortable.
Take one final adventure, travel together. I'm eyeing a high cliff that meets the sea. Either die on impact, or drown for sure with all that weight.
Love music, so I could listen to really nice songs as I trek to the cliff and gear myself ready to jump.
I know I'm a coward, but this is something that is irreversible once the leap is taken.
The illusion of comfort should make it less lonely. And I love the sea. So broad, so vast - it symbolizes the freedom I always sought.
I'm a super emotional person, so I just need to delude myself enough for one moment, so that I can jump once. Then it's over. Bam.
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