I really need to get these thoughts out and I don't feel like I can in front of the people that are close to me.
I turned 18 a few months ago and even before that, all these illnesses started flaring up. It's always some kind of illness that makes me unable to lead a normal life. First, it was my chronic gastritis that still makes it hard to eat until today. Then, over months, no doctor took me seriously and refused to find out why I have all this nausea and feel so weak. I finished school last year and couldn't immediately start working or studying because of this nausea. Turns out it's a prolactinoma, so I have to take meds against this tumor and they make me nauseous and depressed. I might have to take them for my whole life. But taking them definitely alleviated some of my symptoms. Now, for months, I have had horrible nausea and many more symptoms again, very probably not from my meds or my tumor and no doctor is taking me seriously again. I can't go to work now, but I need the money to move out. I really hate it. I'm just 18. What is it supposed to look like in some years? Is my body always going to prevent me from living happily? Nobody is taking me seriously, people said I was faking it so often. They don't understand. So many people spoke ill of me because of this I can't get financial support with these illnesses, so I have to work, but I literally can't. Every time I move, my whole world spins and I feel very sick.
I don't want to live like this, I would rather die than continue like this. But at the same time, there are some happy moments in my life and I wouldn't want my boyfriend to be sad. He's one of the only things keeping me going right now. But now his brother is kicking him out, out of nowhere and he's gonna live farther away again.
The future seems so hopeless to me, given my health and the politics.
I just want to be safe and healthy again.
I turned 18 a few months ago and even before that, all these illnesses started flaring up. It's always some kind of illness that makes me unable to lead a normal life. First, it was my chronic gastritis that still makes it hard to eat until today. Then, over months, no doctor took me seriously and refused to find out why I have all this nausea and feel so weak. I finished school last year and couldn't immediately start working or studying because of this nausea. Turns out it's a prolactinoma, so I have to take meds against this tumor and they make me nauseous and depressed. I might have to take them for my whole life. But taking them definitely alleviated some of my symptoms. Now, for months, I have had horrible nausea and many more symptoms again, very probably not from my meds or my tumor and no doctor is taking me seriously again. I can't go to work now, but I need the money to move out. I really hate it. I'm just 18. What is it supposed to look like in some years? Is my body always going to prevent me from living happily? Nobody is taking me seriously, people said I was faking it so often. They don't understand. So many people spoke ill of me because of this I can't get financial support with these illnesses, so I have to work, but I literally can't. Every time I move, my whole world spins and I feel very sick.
I don't want to live like this, I would rather die than continue like this. But at the same time, there are some happy moments in my life and I wouldn't want my boyfriend to be sad. He's one of the only things keeping me going right now. But now his brother is kicking him out, out of nowhere and he's gonna live farther away again.
The future seems so hopeless to me, given my health and the politics.
I just want to be safe and healthy again.
