It is easier to CTB than it is to attract a woman

[SMG08ABUSER]

It hurts so much to know how undesirable I am

It hurts a lot to know I will never be someone's favorite person. I will never know what it's like to be romantically loved, to be cherished deeply and seen as beautiful or attractive. It hurts to know I will never develop a close romantic bond with a woman. It hurts to know I'll never know what it's like to be cuddled, kissed, or snuggled up in bed with a woman I like. It hurts to know I will never have the deep conversations, go on fun dates with a girl who is clearly interested in me, or even just get a friendly text conversation with a girl I like that continues for weeks.

It's so painful to realize that none of this will ever be a reality for me. And it's all because I exist in this world as me. Maybe if I was born as a different, more attractive guy, I could be able to experience just one of these things.

:(

Existence as a 26 year old kissless virgin male truly is a waste of oxygen and space

 

[Aknu132]

I know how it is bro, I feel the same as you, I am an ugly, poor, unemployed man, but who constantly thinks about being loved by someone, but considering how fucked up physically and financially I am, i have no chance of finding someone, suicide really seems like the only solution when you are born with terrible genetics and a terrible environment.

 

[SASU-KE]

I know this advice is going to sound extremely generic. But I'll still say it anyway. Focus on making yourself financially secure and improve social skills. Dress well, have good hygiene and smell good. Confidence will improve.Be kind and treat people with respect.

You will attract women. More importantly, you will attract the right kind.

Mind you, I also understand that you may be depressed or not in a position to put in all the work needed.So I can certainly sympathize. People who hit the genetic lottery are definitely lucky. They don't have to do much, but still women flock to them.

I'm sorry you're struggling.

 

[SMG08ABUSER]

I know this advice is going to sound extremely generic. But I'll still say it anyway. Focus on making yourself financially secure and improve social skills. Dress well, have good hygiene and smell good. Confidence will improve.Be kind and treat people with respect.

You will attract women. More importantly, you will attract the right kind.

Mind you, I also understand that you may be depressed or not in a position to put in all the work needed.So I can certainly sympathize. People who hit the genetic lottery are definitely lucky. They don't have to do much, but still women flock to them.

I'm sorry you're struggling.

I've already accepted I will never attract anyone. I mean, why would anyone choose me with a face and body as unattractive as mine? :(

There are much better options than me

 

[burninghill]

I honestly think that changing this mindset immediately makes somebody more attractive. If you believe that you are worthless and unattractive then that is all people will see. I promise you that its true when people say that attraction is subjective. Everybody is someones type. Being approachable and confident is the first step. A relationship will almost always fall apart if you haven't yet learned to love and be confident in yourself.

 

[extremelyugly]

I honestly think that changing this mindset immediately makes somebody more attractive. If you believe that you are worthless and unattractive then that is all people will see. I promise you that its true when people say that attraction is subjective. Everybody is someones type. Being approachable and confident is the first step. A relationship will almost always fall apart if you haven't yet learned to love and be confident in yourself.

If no one gives you a chance because of your face or body, how will they ever know what you think about yourself? Impossible, right?
So, no, believing either thing doesn't change anything, and in fact, believing a lie (that you're not unattractive when you clearly are) is much worse because the falldown when reality kicks you back hits much deeper. Oh and btw, confidence isn't something you create out of thin air, instead it's something you create because of previous positive reinforcement, and NOT the other way. So, being rejected over and over again will NOT create confidence because there is nothing to be confident about.

That advice only works if someone has an extreme version of BDD.

 

[bl33ding_heart]

I don't know you so I can't know what kind of person you are but you deserve all of those things and you deserve to live a happy and peaceful life. You didn't ask to be brought into this world with unfortunate circumstances. Even if other people don't love you, I hope you learn to love yourself from within.

 

[burninghill]

If no one gives you a chance because of your face or body, how will they ever know what you think about yourself? Impossible, right?
So, no, believing either thing doesn't change anything, and in fact, believing a lie (that you're not unattractive when you clearly are) is much worse because the falldown when reality kicks you back hits much deeper. Oh and btw, confidence isn't something you create out of thin air, instead it's something you create because of previous positive reinforcement, and NOT the other way. So, being rejected over and over again will NOT create confidence because there is nothing to be confident about.

That advice only works if someone has an extreme version of BDD.

Just speaking from experience. I am not a very attractive person myself, I was called a rat throughout my childhood and I wouldn't say that that's an innacurate comparison of my features haha. It really is just a case of building confidence slowly over time in a sustainable way and no longer caring about whether people are attracted to you or whether you'll find love or a partner.

Everyones experience and journey will be different, but what I can stand by is that its never productive to not give yourself a chance because you think it isn't worth it or because youre stuck believing that you're percieved in one singular way.

My moral of the story is that you genuinely never know how other people percieve you, and everyone will percieve you in different ways.

I hope things get better for you in the future, please take care

 

[synthetic_suicide]

I don't know how to build confidence but I can say that I am diagnosed bipolar and based on my mood shifts my confidence can go from 0 to 10, while my look stays the same. And with confidence things are definitely easier.

 

[Bootleg Astolfo]

I dunno, but watching Spice And Wolf (2024) is way easier than both of those things.

My argument;

 

[stepanch1k]

Never thought this forum would pull out the "just be confident" card, fucking sad. I'm also khhv but I just gave up on that a long time ago, it's really sad thinking how your life would have turned out if you were born good looking. I truly believe that it's over, which means that you are left with 2 options : do what makes you happy (aka cope) or rope (not optimal imo, better to just waste your life playing video games rather than not wasting it at all). Don't fall for the self improvement trap you'll just become more depressed, just do the bare minimum to not be treated even worse (aka hygiene etc). Try to avoid ropefuel and don't compare yourself to others it will only make you more suicidal.
(sorry for the rant I've got a lot on my mind)

 

[supremacyofdeath]

yknow that saying "it's better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all"?
That line is fucking bs. You get more from a quick hookup than from having a relationship. People are liars and it's not worth the heartache of it all.

 

[stepanch1k]

In general this self improvement advice is so toxic. "Oh bro just improooove", like I honestly think it's better to tell someone it is over for them than give them false hope, if your active on this forum you're probably below average in looks, maybe even objectively ugly, so the whole improvement won't work no matter how hard you try. So worst case scenario you tell the person it's over and a miracle happens and turns out it wasn't actually over, or the more likely option you just saved that person from more torture

 

[Bruce]

Focus on making yourself financially secure

You will attract women. More importantly, you will attract the right kind.

Ahahahahaha! Yup! These are definitely the right kind for him. No way they'll obliterate his heart.

changing this mindset immediately makes somebody more attractive

Yeah but like you said this is only the first step. The second, what he needs in the long run is gold.

yknow that saying "it's better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all"?
That line is fucking bs. You get more from a quick hookup than from having a relationship. People are liars and it's not worth the heartache of it all.

This! @SMG08ABUSER Think very very hard about what you really want. I had it once. It was bliss! Then she got bored. And now I'm here. Ready to go.

 

[timetogoplease]

I don't know exactly how it is for you, because I have been through multiple long term relationships, but I'm now in a situation because of my health that I will likely never have another relationship.

What I can say, is that there is so much more to life. Relationships are just one part. It is totally possible to live a happy and fulfilling life without one. Some people even choose to not have one! Having good friends, being part of some sort of community, and having a support network can be just as, if not more important.

Respectfully, I think there's many good reasons for wanting to end your life, but not being in a relationship is not one of them. There are so many other things that are way worse. And I don't mean that to be mean, just talking from experience that relationship aren't always such a great thing, and they definitely do not solve your existing problems.

It sounds to me like you might have body dysmorphia. I get it, I have it too. That might be an even larger issue for you than the lack of relationships. There's no easy fix, you just eventually stop caring about your appearance so much as you get older. But it's always good to work on yourself, even if it's not going to make you attractive. The goal should be to try and be healthy, and feel strong. That's what matters most.

As someone who doesn't have their health and wants to end it because all I can do anymore is lie on the couch all day and there is no cure, if you have your health, if you can work and provide for yourself, you're already 100 times richer and more attractive than I will ever be again. Don't waste that.

 

[extremelyugly]

Just speaking from experience. I am not a very attractive person myself, I was called a rat throughout my childhood and I wouldn't say that that's an innacurate comparison of my features haha. It really is just a case of building confidence slowly over time in a sustainable way and no longer caring about whether people are attracted to you or whether you'll find love or a partner.

Everyones experience and journey will be different, but what I can stand by is that its never productive to not give yourself a chance because you think it isn't worth it or because youre stuck believing that you're percieved in one singular way.

My moral of the story is that you genuinely never know how other people percieve you, and everyone will percieve you in different ways.

I hope things get better for you in the future, please take care

Yes, I do know how I'm perceived, which is why I'm here and not outside living. And no, things won't get better because no one becomes more attractive after their 30s, especially not in bone structure, which is frankly predetermined from birth and especially when someone is XXY.
Caring about other people's opinion on ourselves is... literally how we're programmed. There's nothing more important socially than how you're perceived, and some people like me, are perceived as basically not human, a punching bag esentially. This is unchangeable largely.
I'm glad you think some other way if it works for you but for me, deceiving myself gets me nowhere, and ultimately is what brought me right here right now.