Isolation

[BigLucs]

I have nobody in my life. I moved across the country hoping to find a new start but have had a hard time making actual friends. I talk to people in bars or around different places, but no one sticks around. I make sure to be social and have joined some local sports teams in the attempt to meet people but it doesn't work. I just sit alone in my rental in my downtime. If I had a house, I'd at least be able to feel motivated enough to work on it

. All I've felt the last few years is that I'm going through the motions to survive. Doing the bare minimum to keep above the expectations set out for me. But I enjoy almost nothing. The things I do enjoy are fleeting. I've realized that there isn't really anyone or anything in my life that I really care about. But I'm too afraid to die. Not of death, just of the idea of taking my own life. I have money, I make a good living, but it means nothing. At this point, the only use I see for the money is hiring a hitman to kill myself, but I'm only a few years away from having my gun rights reinstated and don't want to lose that as a future option. I've thought about trying to find someone who would be willing to kill me, but I just have no idea how you would even begin to do that. So instead I just wait, not really knowing for what, drinking and smoking to pass the time. And I do it alone.

 

[Zegers]

All I've felt the last few years is that I'm going through the motions to survive

yeah like feeling in middle of nowhere

 

[FuneralCry]

It certainly can be tiring feeling so trapped here, at least to me it's for the best to be alone as other people very often just create more suffering and you just cannot trust and rely on them. But I get that for many people loneliness and isolation can be hard to deal with.

 

[AllMyDreams]

I have nobody in my life. I moved across the country hoping to find a new start but have had a hard time making actual friends. I talk to people in bars or around different places, but no one sticks around. I make sure to be social and have joined some local sports teams in the attempt to meet people but it doesn't work. I just sit alone in my rental in my downtime. If I had a house, I'd at least be able to feel motivated enough to work on it

. All I've felt the last few years is that I'm going through the motions to survive. Doing the bare minimum to keep above the expectations set out for me. But I enjoy almost nothing. The things I do enjoy are fleeting. I've realized that there isn't really anyone or anything in my life that I really care about. But I'm too afraid to die. Not of death, just of the idea of taking my own life. I have money, I make a good living, but it means nothing. At this point, the only use I see for the money is hiring a hitman to kill myself, but I'm only a few years away from having my gun rights reinstated and don't want to lose that as a future option. I've thought about trying to find someone who would be willing to kill me, but I just have no idea how you would even begin to do that. So instead I just wait, not really knowing for what, drinking and smoking to pass the time. And I do it alone.

Sounds like me, tbh. I left my well-paying job recently and now just sit at home on the computer all day. I have like 2 friends and one is on the other side of the country. Trying to figure out what's next.

I wonder if in your case, a career change would help? It sounds like your job doesn't fulfill you and if you found something from which you got meaning, you could not only have something to look forward to, but also meet likeminded people. I mean, you're at rock bottom anyway, and you have money (which so many people trapped in their lives don't have), so you might as well try. Try to think of times when you were happy/fulfilled, and it wasn't just because you impressed other people. Then see if you can replicate that. I bet as a result, you'll come to love yourself more, and people will gravitate more to you.

Even if you don't think that life is worthwhile right now, there are millions of other people who still do. So if you don't have goals, you can still support others in achieving theirs. And from that, you can derive your own goals and meaning.