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is there someone you'd like to apologize to before you go?
Thread starterDelia
Start date
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No one .. I tried to remember any one to apologizing to him but I haven't any one , Iam fuckin lonely , I want any one to suicide with me , I don't want to die alone please guys please :""
My husband. He's been with me for 29 exhausting years, and he is the only family member still in my life.
I have Borderline Personality Disorder, CPTSD, and MDD, as well as physical health problems that render me nearly immobile.
He has sacrificed his life to help me.
1. A guy back in highschool. I was actually kinda close with him but jokingly said he was gay one day (was joking ofc). Thought it was just a harmless joke tbh but everyone was making fun of him for it. Long story short, he quit school and it's been bout 6 years since I last heard from him.
2. My late dad. Didn't spend too much time with him although I know I'm his favourite child (he got a whole folder filled with my pics ffs). Died back in 2012 due to brain cancer and I didn't get the chance to take care of him when he was ill cuz I was in a boarding school at the time which was one of my worst regrets in life. I've accidentally deleted a whole folder of his phone recordings on his phone too and only cried for a whole week (I'm a tough guy, I know). Last semester of uni, I lost his old pencil case cuz some broke ass shithead stole my bag.
3. My mom. I don't really spend much time with her after my dad died but I'm trying to change that. I'm a pretty shitty son tbh, she literally paid my whole uni fee, bought me a car and everything but I'm still slacking in uni.
I'm sorry for trying to make everybody else happy except myself. I'm sorry for wasting so many years trying to be there for others but not remember to take the time to be there for myself. I'm sorry for stubbornly trying to always make teamplayer sacrifices yet being careless about maintaining inner peace for myself. I'm sorry that I hate myself.
Reactions:
not_ready, Cutepoison and GoodPersonEffed
No, but I'd like to apologise to myself for not taking proper care of myself a year ago when I suffered from an epic PTSD and was exhausted constantly.
I don't want to say anything to anyone so they don't get suspicious about my plans. maybe I will do delayed email or something similar or post letters on the day of my CTB. I feel sorry for my family and some friends about my choice but I won't change my mind. Finally I feel comfortable knowing that I will be gone this year.
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