Is suicide parents fault?

[paganar]

Every kid deserves a good parent,but not every parent deserves to be a parent. I'm at this point in my life because of my parents and family. If you can't be a parent then you should not have kids in the first place. Never listening, always arguing thinking that they know everything. I'm sorry. My words are not for you but my parents.

 

[walkingcorpse13]

Hi I'm here cause of my parents
Mom horrible mom not the worst but she's doing a shit job at it I don't even want to considered the guy she married again my dad

 

[Priestess]

When I do it it will absolutely be my parents' fault, 100%.

 

[deepocean]

In short - It depends. But taking one's life is one's own decision. Sorry if I am not of any help here.

 

[lizzywizzy09]

It can be. Personally I know I wouldn't be in this situation had my parents done things differently.

 

[badtothebone]

I understand how horrible the pain of not having your son physically here with you must be, but remember your son will always be with you, their spirit never leaves us. And even though he was suffering and took this action, I'm sure he would never be happy if you did the same irregardless of any blame involved. From what I read there are other children/siblings, so I would take any unresolved guilt and use it as motivation to be there for them.

Thank you so much for your beautiful words! It's true he's alive in my heart and somewhere but I just can't see him anymore. Reading your response is very encouraging, appreciate you!

Every kid deserves a good parent,but not every parent deserves to be a parent. I'm at this point in my life because of my parents and family. If you can't be a parent then you should not have kids in the first place. Never listening, always arguing thinking that they know everything. I'm sorry. My words are not for you but my parents.

I agree with you! It's too late now I wish I can have my son back and do things differently

I'm very sorry about your situation. Suicide would *possibly* be parents fault only if they have been very abusive to their child, especially during early childhood

He was loved and spoiled he had everything to live for that's why I'm looking at anything I did or said because I can't find the reason . I'm hoping he knew his much we love him

 

[badtothebone]

consult a psychotherapist, or warn someone close to you that you are going to ctb
Unless of course you want your children to ctb too

No I don't want my kids to ctb that's why I'm in pain if I didn't have other kids I won't be here I will be gone long time ago

It depends on how they treat their kids. My dad has encouraged me to kill myself several times. He meant it.

I never did that I never knew my son think about that. The way I treated my son is a typical parent behaviour I don't think parents think that their kids will kill themselves when they argue with them. I wish i had the knowledge I had today I know he will be alive

 

[Cress]

@badtothebone As others have said it's not always a black and white issue. I remember my mom has told me before that if she was going to kill herself she wouldn't bother seeking therapy or help or really telling anyone about it she would just act on it. Therefore from her logic I never really wanted to die at any point so she never really had to worry about it.

My mother's cause me a lot of trauma I grew up in a hoarder household and my mother would Breakdown praying all the time saying if I ever told anyone how messed up the house was or how many animals she had child protective services would come and take me away and I would never see her again.

Either way well I guess you could argue My mother has motivated me significantly in life to harm myself I always felt like the majority of my suicidal ideation has been my own. I never really wanted to kill myself because of her At least not directly.

My cousin jumped in front of a train a while back and I had a lot of guilt over letting him become distant as I feel like I could have done something. I don't think it's your fault that your son passed away. I don't know to what degree you blame yourself for securing the firearm against children? However in terms of properly supporting children and their teenage years it can be extremely difficult to connect with them. I know when I was fourteen I had very unrealistic expectations of adults I didn't think unless they liked everything I was into that they Weren't really listening to me.

The future is quite frankly just too unpredictable. I'm sure you did what you could for your son and your love for him is evident in your post. I'm very sorry. If you ever wanna talk my DM's are always open.




@nembutal Thank you for standing up to people on the website being relentlessly negative.

 

[badtothebone]

@badtothebone As others have said it's not always a black and white issue. I remember my mom has told me before that if she was going to kill herself she wouldn't bother seeking therapy or help or really telling anyone about it she would just act on it. Therefore from her logic I never really wanted to die at any point so she never really had to worry about it.

My mother's cause me a lot of trauma I grew up in a hoarder household and my mother would Breakdown praying all the time saying if I ever told anyone how messed up the house was or how many animals she had child protective services would come and take me away and I would never see her again.

Either way well I guess you could argue My mother has motivated me significantly in life to harm myself I always felt like the majority of my suicidal ideation has been my own. I never really wanted to kill myself because of her At least not directly.

My cousin jumped in front of a train a while back and I had a lot of guilt over letting him become distant as I feel like I could have done something. I don't think it's your fault that your son passed away. I don't know to what degree you blame yourself for securing the firearm against children? However in terms of properly supporting children and their teenage years it can be extremely difficult to connect with them. I know when I was fourteen I had very unrealistic expectations of adults I didn't think unless they liked everything I was into that they Weren't really listening to me.

The future is quite frankly just too unpredictable. I'm sure you did what you could for your son and your love for him is evident in your post. I'm very sorry. If you ever wanna talk my DM's are always open.




@nembutal Thank you for standing up to people on the website being relentlessly negative.

I appreciate taking the time to positively response. I loved my son so much! I used to get up at night go to his room and cover him from the AC. I called him everyday while I'm coming from work to buy both of us early dinner. I just feel that I had argued with him about stupid stuff and this wasn't helpful. He didn't talk much and if I just tried to see why he wasn't talking with us instead of arguing about not sitting with us on the table or playing games until the morning stuff that is very stupid but I was arguing out of caring and love. He was everything and now everything is gone. I remember I asked him if he wants to sign up to they gym with me and he said " I don't want to" the way he said it was obvious to me now that he was depressed but I didn't see it that way before. I thought it was just a typical teenagers behavior you know they don't like their parents to be involved. I blame myself by not seeing it and treat him accordingly. I want to thank you so much for giving me this positive hope. I don't know what to think anymore. My brother told me this morning that his daughter ran away and he is not blaming himself for that..

 

[Tesha]

@badtothebone if you're comfortable doing so, keep telling us about your son. It's good to share about who he was, as it will help you remember him positively.

Parenting is really, really hard. No one is 100% perfect, and it sounds like you did the best you could - please realise that the things you're feeling now are because of hindsight. Could you have done it differently? Sure you could. But it sounds like you were trying, as a single parent, to help your children and manage your work the best way you could.

Try and be a bit kinder to yourself, hold your other children tight at their bedtime, and keep talking.

 

[Cress]

I appreciate taking the time to positively response. I loved my son so much! I used to get up at night go to his room and cover him from the AC. I called him everyday while I'm coming from work to buy both of us early dinner. I just feel that I had argued with him about stupid stuff and this wasn't helpful. He didn't talk much and if I just tried to see why he wasn't talking with us instead of arguing about not sitting with us on the table or playing games until the morning stuff that is very stupid but I was arguing out of caring and love. He was everything and now everything is gone. I remember I asked him if he wants to sign up to they gym with me and he said " I don't want to" the way he said it was obvious to me now that he was depressed but I didn't see it that way before. I thought it was just a typical teenagers behavior you know they don't like their parents to be involved. I blame myself by not seeing it and treat him accordingly. I want to thank you so much for giving me this positive hope. I don't know what to think anymore. My brother told me this morning that his daughter ran away and he is not blaming himself for that..

The thing about the future is it's just too unpredictable You can drive yourself mad thinking about what if situations. I think your explanation Of typical teenage behavior Is reasonable it's only in hindsight With information that you couldn't possibly have had at the time you're able to draw connections that he was depressed.

Depression is a very insidious sort of condition it's hard for people suffering from it to ask others for help and it's hard for people to notice Someone suffering from depression. Even when you do now it's extremely difficult to comfort the person. I'm sure if you knew you would have done everything in your power to get your son treatment. You're being too hard on yourself and You really sound like a very loving mother.

I understand if you are in so much pain you don't want to live anymore and I respect your decision. However I really don't want you to hurt yourself. You seem like such a wonderful person and I can only imagine the lives that you've touched and The people that you're important to.

When I was fourteen I was very suicidal. I was very introverted I hated going outside and school I just wanted to stay in my room and play video games. I never confided in my mom until later in life and she responded very negatively. I had all sorts of plans and I almost ended myself. The vast majority of it was internal though I really only confided in two friends.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

Absolutely not. Parents are easily blaming themselves but it is not their fault.

Usually it does end up being partly their fault though. Parents very rarely bother to ever properly listen to their children, often brushing away their issues and not trying to understand how even things that may not seem like a big deal to them might be a bug deal to their children. Parents very rarely give their children room to actually express their feelings, they very rarely teach their children how to properly recognize and cope with their emotions, they are often dismissive of their children's problems, they often chalk up any undesirable behaviours to them being lazy or hormonal and completely ignore any clear signs of potential mental health issues, and more. Hence why I tend not to have much sympathy for most parents and usually end up being suspicious of them. Parents constantly treat their children like a pet or a thing, dehumanizing them up until they reach adulthood or even past then. The standards for parenting are incredibly low.

 

[badtothebone]

The thing about the future is it's just too unpredictable You can drive yourself mad thinking about what if situations. I think your explanation Of typical teenage behavior Is reasonable it's only in hindsight With information that you couldn't possibly have had at the time you're able to draw connections that he was depressed.

Depression is a very insidious sort of condition it's hard for people suffering from it to ask others for help and it's hard for people to notice Someone suffering from depression. Even when you do now it's extremely difficult to comfort the person. I'm sure if you knew you would have done everything in your power to get your son treatment. You're being too hard on yourself and You really sound like a very loving mother.

I understand if you are in so much pain you don't want to live anymore and I respect your decision. However I really don't want you to hurt yourself. You seem like such a wonderful person and I can only imagine the lives that you've touched and The people that you're important to.

When I was fourteen I was very suicidal. I was very introverted I hated going outside and school I just wanted to stay in my room and play video games. I never confided in my mom until later in life and she responded very negatively. I had all sorts of plans and I almost ended myself. The vast majority of it was internal though I really only confided in two friends.

Thank you so much for helping me and also for sharing your story! I don't know how your mother responded that negative as you sound like a great person yourself. I feel like is not fair but I will try to see other options before I dig into killing myself. I love my other two children so much too and it's not fair for them that I'm also taken already. I try to go back and be myself but it's not working. Whatever the reason for my son death, he didn't serve to die. He was very innocent very beautiful from the inside out.. I wish you also think about how valuable you are and stay away from this kind of thoughts. Thank you

@badtothebone if you're comfortable doing so, keep telling us about your son. It's good to share about who he was, as it will help you remember him positively.

Parenting is really, really hard. No one is 100% perfect, and it sounds like you did the best you could - please realise that the things you're feeling now are because of hindsight. Could you have done it differently? Sure you could. But it sounds like you were trying, as a single parent, to help your children and manage your work the best way you could.

Try and be a bit kinder to yourself, hold your other children tight at their bedtime, and keep talking.

Thank you so much for listening and providing this type of support even we don't know each other! It helps me to talk about him a lot I feel like I need to he deserves to be remembered he was just an angel on earth. I don't what to say beside thank you very much! You guys are amazing over here I wish I came here earlier

Usually it does end up being partly their fault though. Parents very rarely bother to ever properly listen to their children, often brushing away their issues and not trying to understand how even things that may not seem like a big deal to them might be a bug deal to their children. Parents very rarely give their children room to actually express their feelings, they very rarely teach their children how to properly recognize and cope with their emotions, they are often dismissive of their children's problems, they often chalk up any undesirable behaviours to them being lazy or hormonal and completely ignore any clear signs of potential mental health issues, and more. Hence why I tend not to have much sympathy for most parents and usually end up being suspicious of them. Parents constantly treat their children like a pet or a thing, dehumanizing them up until they reach adulthood or even past then. The standards for parenting are incredibly low.

We do have to listen and I agree with you! I learned the hard way. I wish I can bring him back and do everything differently now but I can't it's over. I was given 0 chance to save my son. I didn't know.

 

[Redleaf1992]

I'm sorry about your loss.

Every sucide is unique to the individual, in many many cases it won't have anything to do with the parents.

My Dad who suspects I'm low, keeps talking to me recently about stuff where he thinks he may have let me down in the past. I just wish he would stop it as my feelings of depresion and sucide have nothing to do with him or my family.

I'd hate my family to blame themselves for my death, and I'm sure that's the same for your child too.

 

[badtothebone]

I'm sorry about your loss.

Every sucide is unique to the individual, in many many cases it won't have anything to do with the parents.

My Dad who suspects I'm low, keeps talking to me recently about stuff where he thinks he may have let me down in the past. I just wish he would stop it as my feelings of depresion and sucide have nothing to do with him or my family.

I'd hate my family to blame themselves for my death, and I'm sure that's the same for your child too.

Thank you so much for your supportive response! It comes in waves right now after reading your post I'm convinced I'm not the reason but after an hour or so I'll start thinking again in very deep details about each argument or each response from me and I find myself guilty again! Even if he was depressed I should've known I'm his mom. How I didn't see it if I'm a caring mother? I know what you're saying is true but I have a strong feeling if I gave him more attention and was sensitive more he prob will still be here.. I literally feel like I don't deserve to live without him.

 

[Redleaf1992]

Thank you so much for your supportive response! It comes in waves right now after reading your post I'm convinced I'm not the reason but after an hour or so I'll start thinking again in very deep details about each argument or each response from me and I find myself guilty again! Even if he was depressed I should've known I'm his mom. How I didn't see it if I'm a caring mother? I know what you're saying is true but I have a strong feeling if I gave him more attention and was sensitive more he prob will still be here.. I literally feel like I don't deserve to live without him.

Blaming one self for a loss of a loved one is a very normal stage of the grieving process.

Suicide often does come out the blue, people can be very good at hiding it, exspecially from the ones they love most.

We can always think of 'what if' scenarios but unfortunatley some things just are what they are. The world can be cruel, I can see from what you you type you are caring. Many worse parents will do terrible things to their child and they don't end up committing sucide. Don't blame yourself for sick jokes the world plays on us.

 

[badtothebone]

Blaming one self for a loss of a loved one is a very normal stage of the grieving process.

Suicide often does come out the blue, people can be very good at hiding it, exspecially from the ones they love most.

We can always think of 'what if' scenarios but unfortunatley some things just are what they are. The world can be cruel, I can see from what you you type you are caring. Many worse parents will do terrible things to their child and they don't end up committing sucide. Don't blame yourself for sick jokes the world plays on us.

Thank you so much my friend! I honestly started to cry while I'm reading your post and other supportive posts. I did love him so much and still do. I sit in his gorgeous small room and I swear I can see him with his headphones on playing and laughing.. it hurts so much I wish it was me who died. Please take care of yourself. A great person like you with this beautiful advice deserves the best. Thank you

 

[Hotsackage]

Not really, I do blame society for being ignorant asshats and not provide the support necessary

 

[Redleaf1992]

Thank you so much my friend! I honestly started to cry while I'm reading your post and other supportive posts. I did love him so much and still do. I sit in his gorgeous small room and I swear I can see him with his headphones on playing and laughing.. it hurts so much I wish it was me who died. Please take care of yourself. A great person like you with this beautiful advice deserves the best. Thank you

Thank you, that means a lot. I'm do hope things gets better for you soon. My private messages are always open to you if you want to talk.

 

[thirdrailer]

I had a traumatic childhood. I try to be an open book with people about it. When people who are parents tell me about their kids who seem similar to me and I suggest -- based on my experiences as someone recovering from childhood trauma decades later -- things they might do differently, they insist that they love their kids and they'd do anything for them and are excellent parents. My parents contributed heavily to my suicidality including my childhood attempt. The parents I talk to today sound a lot like my parents when I talk to them about my childhood: they all refuse to see their complicity. I'm not the only person I know of who believes their parents contributed to their suicidality. At least one case I know of, the person completed their attempt.

I have no idea to what extent you are to blame for your kid's suicide. I know my parents contributed heavily to my childhood attempt. You are open to the possibility you contributed, so my advice: start seeing a family therapist and an individual therapist. Make it clear your priority is understanding your role in what happened so you can be the best parent you can for your remaining children. Look hard at your own trauma and baggage and preconceptions with your individual therapist and learn to manage them.

You and your family have my condolences and my sympathy. I genuinely hope that you are able to find a path to wanting to live again and that you and your family find happiness one day.

 

[27ClubSoon]

I have 2 children 10 and 6 & I'm not there for them just a body with no soul. I love my son he was my everything but I don't think he knew that. I never screamed or cursed or even fight him he was a good kid I didn't have to but we always argued about small stuff. As a single mom and young too I feel that I'm learning with my kids..

You're grieving you will feel empty for a while it's natural, don't beat yourself up over it. You probably mean everything to all three of your children especially as a single mother. There is no playbook on parenthood you just do your best, whatever that is I can imagine is more than good enough. You can get through this period it will be hard but it will get better with time.

 

[badtothebone]

You're grieving you will feel empty for a while it's natural, don't beat yourself up over it. You probably mean everything to all three of your children especially as a single mother. There is no playbook on parenthood you just do your best, whatever that is I can imagine is more than good enough. You can get through this period it will be hard but it will get better with time.

Thank you so much for your support! I'm trying my best its the just the guilt "what did I say" " what did I do wrong" " did I hurt his feelings" I feel like my head is spinning and I will collapse any minute

I had a traumatic childhood. I try to be an open book with people about it. When people who are parents tell me about their kids who seem similar to me and I suggest -- based on my experiences as someone recovering from childhood trauma decades later -- things they might do differently, they insist that they love their kids and they'd do anything for them and are excellent parents. My parents contributed heavily to my suicidality including my childhood attempt. The parents I talk to today sound a lot like my parents when I talk to them about my childhood: they all refuse to see their complicity. I'm not the only person I know of who believes their parents contributed to their suicidality. At least one case I know of, the person completed their attempt.

I have no idea to what extent you are to blame for your kid's suicide. I know my parents contributed heavily to my childhood attempt. You are open to the possibility you contributed, so my advice: start seeing a family therapist and an individual therapist. Make it clear your priority is understanding your role in what happened so you can be the best parent you can for your remaining children. Look hard at your own trauma and baggage and preconceptions with your individual therapist and learn to manage them.

You and your family have my condolences and my sympathy. I genuinely hope that you are able to find a path to wanting to live again and that you and your family find happiness one day.

I never created any type of trauma and will never hurt my kids that way. My argument with my son was simply like redirecting him he was young and needed directions. The way you put it, I'm definitely not that parent you have. People know us and everyone talks about how much my son was loved and spoiled. He never ate the same food twice a month and all his clothes are his choice. I'm saying I didn't listen or recognize he was suffering or struggling, but never traumatized him or anyone. We are not like that. We love each other but that love wasn't enough to keep my son alive. He decided to leave. Yes I feel guilty I'm his mother I'm suppose to know but I didn't. We argued and when I told my doctor he started laughing he said " our arguments were normal" I convince my self that but I go back and I think maybe I said or did something that he too it the wrong way. I don't know I'm so lost!

 

[divinemistress36]

@feelinggloomy

 

[badtothebone]

Not really, I do blame society for being ignorant asshats and not provide the support necessary

Appreciate your response! I do blame society too and the expensive life we have to meet in order to provide for our children. I wasn't there fully I was working most of the time and that's another guilt!!

 

[ramon]

Quoting Anton Chigurh (No country for old men - 2007): "Alright. Let me ask you something. If the rule you followed brought you to this, of what use was the rule?"

My parents and I followed a set of rules we though were good enough (if not perfect) to survive and thrive in this world. Turns out those rules led to a unfruitful and unhappy life I don't want to live anymore.

Sure my parents and I had good intentions, then again, the road to failure is paved with good intentions.

It doesn't matter whose fault is it. What matters is that my parents and I made choices that led to (hopefully) my last decision: to CTB.

My parents have the power to live happy lives without me and that's what really matters.

 

[figcitylightscookie]

First of all, I am so sorry for your loss. May your son rest in peace. To answer your questions:

1. Is suicide parents' fault? Sometimes it is. I know that suicide is a personal choice, but parents could drive their kids to commit suicide. However, kids with loving parents also kill themselves, so it's not always the parents' fault.

2. Is your son's suicide your fault? I don't know, and no one on here can give you a true answer. I think it would be best if you saw a therapist to help you grieve your son's death. Talking in depth with a professional could give you clarity on the situation and hopefully a clear and honest answer to your question. You mentioned you still have 2 kids; if you feel like you were a bad mother to your 14-year old son, going to therapy could help you become a better mom for your living kids that still need you - especially while they're also grieving their brother's death.

This might sound harsh, but you won't get any honest answers here. We don't know your relationship with your son; some members will try to make you feel better by saying it's not your fault while others will say it is to project their grudges against their parents onto you. I really believe talking to someone in real life (even if it's not a therapist) that understood your relationship with your son would be more helpful. I am sorry again for your loss, and I hope you heal from this tragedy.

 

[badtothebone]

First of all, I am so sorry for your loss. May your son rest in peace. To answer your questions:

1. Is suicide parents' fault? Sometimes it is. I know that suicide is a personal choice, but parents could drive their kids to commit suicide. However, kids with loving parents also kill themselves, so it's not always the parents' fault.

2. Is your son's suicide your fault? I don't know, and no one on here can give you a true answer. I think it would be best if you saw a therapist to help you grieve your son's death. Talking in depth with a professional could give you clarity on the situation and hopefully a clear and honest answer to your question. You mentioned you still have 2 kids; if you feel like you were a bad mother to your 14-year old son, going to therapy could help you become a better mom for your living kids that still need you - especially while they're also grieving their brother's death.

This might sound harsh, but you won't get any honest answers here. We don't know your relationship with your son; some members will try to make you feel better by saying it's not your fault while others will say it is to project their grudges against their parents onto you. I really believe talking to someone in real life (even if it's not a therapist) that understood your relationship with your son would be more helpful. I am sorry again for your loss, and I hope you heal from this tragedy.

Thank you for your advice.

Quoting Anton Chigurh (No country for old men - 2007): "Alright. Let me ask you something. If the rule you followed brought you to this, of what use was the rule?"

My parents and I followed a set of rules we though were good enough (if not perfect) to survive and thrive in this world. Turns out those rules led to a unfruitful and unhappy life I don't want to live anymore.

Sure my parents and I had good intentions, then again, the road to failure is paved with good intentions.

It doesn't matter whose fault is it. What matters is that my parents and I made choices that led to (hopefully) my last decision: to CTB.

My parents have the power to live happy lives without me and that's what really matters.

I'm actually hiring private investigator to dig into my son computer and social media I'm sure he will find the reason for his death. I'm sure he told someone… I just can't live with this guilt I have to know what caused my son to suicide.

 

[nembutal]

why won't you respond to my comment? don't want to confront the fact that you may have been partly responsible?

@nembutal Thank you for standing up to people on the website being relentlessly negative.

honestly i don't see anyone else doing it, which is surprising.

 

[Downdraft]

honestly i don't see anyone else doing it, which is surprising.

I standed against harassment and attacking groups many times (look at my halo btw I'm so pure ). So did many others. Charlie, Tesha & Chinaski to name a few.

@badtothebone no one here knows the full background, so no one can tell. Many things could've caused it, but it's totally possible you weren't guilty of anything. Sometimes suicide happens for other factors even with extremely good parenting.

I hate telling others what to do but if you can, please endure for your other two kids, they need you more than you think. It's easy to feel a distant or a burden when one is suicidal but a parent is the single most important person in a kid's life. It's a situation when both sides can't be satisfied since fragile kid brains deal with death even worse than parents do.

 

[GetReadyy]

I'm sorry for your loss. This wasn't your fault. I lost my family very recently and I'm only 18 years old. You should give yourself time to think. I understand you.. I can understand the pain in your heart. I experienced the same pain.